I have a confession to make. This is the season of Thanksgiving, and yet there is a warring within my soul. I am so thankful for so many things - a family that always loves me, a job that I can count on, a warm home to sleep in every night - yet I am finding myself getting discouraged because sometimes I feel like it is not enough - that I am not enough. It is hard to stay content when I feel like my purpose is so much greater than the place that I am in right now. I will tell you a secret - I want to own my own business one day. I don't know what that looks like yet - I used to see a cutesy, vintage shop where I sold the cupcakes that I baked and decorated, but I don't really see that now. I see a blank space waiting for me to fill it. But I don't know that it will ever happen. I want to work from home, I want to take my kids to the park or the beach on a Tuesday afternoon, not just cram all my family time into the always too-short weekends. I want to blog about my life and have people care about what I have to say. I want to stop driving down the road thinking that would be a beautiful picture and just stop and take the picture! I see these beautiful, successful, God-fearing women with popular blogs, creative Instagram feeds, and successful businesses, and I think why isn't that me? And then I start to feel guilty for not being content.
But that is where Jesus comes in. This isn't for me to figure out on my own, He asks me to trust His plan for my life. And to trust that His plan will be better than mine. "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever." Psalm 138:8. When we find ourselves in these places of uncertainty, it is because He is bringing us to a place where He is the only certain thing. He is the light to our darkness. He commands us to "be still and know that I am God" Psalms 46:10 I don't know what paths this life will find me traveling down, but I do know that He will guide my steps if I trust Him to do so. "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold" Job 23:10. He is testing me during this time, and if I continue to put my trust in Him, I will come out refined like gold. It is not an easy process, but it is necessary to make me into the person He has destined me to be, and to fulfill the purpose He has for me. And His purpose for me is even greater than the one I have for myself. I just have to have faith.
This isn't something I have even come close to mastering - every day I find myself having to put my faith and trust back in Him. I have to continually place all my cares and burdens into His arms and ask Him to carry them for me, because I am giving them too much weight over my life. And He gladly takes them. He loves me when I am resting in His faithfulness, and He loves me when I lose sight of Him and shout WHY?!? He loves me enough to give me a purpose, and to remind me that I need to be still and let Him reveal it to me in His time. Lord, help me to have faith that you are trustworthy with my life and my future. Thank you for loving me enough not to just give me everything I ask for, but to give me only that which is good for me.
There is such a freedom in realizing you cannot control your future, and you don't have to - you need only to give it all to Jesus.
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