waiting...

I definitely need this outlet today.  I get really frustrated at times just sitting here waiting for the next call to come in, the next refill request to place, the next phone note to put back to the nurse.  Sometimes it makes me feel like all my days are so monotonous and that I'm not really doing anything worthwhile - like I'm not really making a difference.  Anyone can be nice on the phone to someone and tell them what they want to hear.  I want to DO something that makes a difference.  My cakes are my own design, my own creations, no one can do it the way that I will - there will be others like me - but no one that is ME.  And this is what I LOVE to do.  This is what makes me feel important.

Not only that, but there are a million things that I want to fill my time with - cleaning the house, the latest project, plans for my birthday.  And there is only so much I can do just sitting here.  I pin, I blog, I google, I plan.  But then I want to DO.  It is frustrating that by the time I get home, everyone is exhausted, I am exhausted, dinner to serve and baths to give.  Then its everyone to bed to get up and do it all again.  Monotonous.  The weekends are so few and far between - and some of them are used up even before I get to them.  Beach to beacon this Saturday - yes I am looking forward to it, but half the day gone, gone.  I just wish I could cross more things off my list.. that perpetual to-do list that never really goes away, just changes over time.

I am trying to be patient as I work on my cake business.  I am happy with my website, with my cards, with how far I've come.  But I have a beautiful planner that is still far too empty.  I have a fantastic website with online ordering capability with no orders being placed.  Yes it is early, and yes I know it takes time, but still... sometimes this makes me discouraged.  I am okay with waiting for a cupcake shop if in the meantime I am getting plenty of orders.  This would actually make me feel even better about opening up a shop - like I already have a faithful following, and a shop can only make it better.

And still, here I sit, I need this job.  I don't want to need this job.  I want to be self-sufficient, successful cake-maker, but here I sit, waiting for the calls...