I am not a blogger.

I have never been able to be a blogger.  I wanted to be.  I go through seasons that I blog more than others, but it has never been something that comes naturally to me.  I love to write, and when I was in high school, my journal was my best friend.  But when it comes to regularly sitting at the computer, putting my words on a screen and publishing them for all to see, I just can't commit.  I think that it is for a variety of reasons, one of which is that I can't do something just because everyone else is.  It might intrigue me, it might make me dive in and try it, but if it isn't something meaningful to me on a personal level, I just can't make it a regular habit.

So I gave it up.  I took it off my list of goals on my powersheets.  I stopped feeling that sense of guilt when I wasn't doing what everyone else was.  I didn't try to figure out if I was a lifestyle blogger, or a food blogger, because I am none of those things and just don't care about what my market should be.  I don't have a market.  I am not trying to change your mind, or change the world, I just want to work on me.

So for now, I want to use this space as a place to pour out what I am thinking about or what God is doing in my life, and it doesn't need to be life-changing and there won't be any weekly newsletters.  I don't expect anyone to read it, and I can't promise how often I will post.  I have tried so. many. times.  I think that the reason I fail is because I did it because I thought I should.  Now I am doing it because I want to.  When I want.  How I want.  And sometimes I won't have anything good to say.  That's okay, because I don't expect followers.  I just want to do this for me.

I got a book from the library today called Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin.  It is about habits and how creating them/following them isn't the same for everyone.  It is making me think about myself, and that is where the idea for this post came about.  I want to really dive in to what makes me me, and go ahead and celebrate who I am, rather than concentrating on how I am different or not enough than someone else.  Comparison can be such a trap, and that is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.  I don't want to feel like I don't measure up to someone else, and I also want to concentrate on what makes me unique and not try to copy someone else.  I want to see others as an inspiration, and ask myself what draws me in when I see a post on instagram that I really love, but I don't want to copy it, and I don't want to let it make me feel bad about myself.  I want to use every opportunity to learn something new about myself, and work on being the best version of myself, rather than trying to fit in to the mold of someone else.  So here goes...