for such a time as this...

Yesterday I decided to read my first blog.  Sometimes it is nice to just take a trip down memory lane.  I started it six years ago and some of it was quite hilarious.  I really have grown a lot since then - in all the facets of my life - being a mom, a wife, a friend, and my relationship with Jesus.  Although embarrassing to read about some of the things I felt or thought, it was really neat to look back on how God was working in my life then. One thing that really stood out to me while I was reading, was a post that I had written after my devotions on Esther.

Here is the post from 7/26/10:

"When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: 'Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape.  For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish.  And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?'" Esther 4:12-14

This morning I read these words as part of my devotions.  When I came across this phrase in this passage, it stopped me in my tracks.  How foolish I have been!  Why have I doubted Him for even one moment?  I am not outside the reach of His hand, the orchestrations of His sovereign plan.  This place that I am in at this very moment is ordained by Him that goes before all things and by Whom all things are held together (Col. 1:17).  Lord, help me to trust you though the road often seems dark.  I could walk on water if only I keep my eyes upon You.   Help my gaze not to be swayed by the storms of trying children, hopeless finances, dead-end jobs, or frustrating relationships. 

I do not know what God has planned for me, but I DO know that I am here in this place to learn, to grow, to help others, and ultimately to become the woman God desires me to be. If I could learn the lessons He wants to teach me in a different place or in a different way I would BE in that place. But I am here. For such a time as this. I pray that I make the most of it.


It was so weird to read this and to feel like my past self was stretching across the years and hitting my present self over the head and saying "You keep forgetting this!!! Stop forgetting this!!"  Because I have been forgetting this.  Each day I am faced with the choice of choosing contentment in where I am and who I am, or feeling like I am missing out on something I am supposed to be doing, or the person I am supposed to be.  And you know what? Even though I am not that same girl that wrote this almost five years ago, I am still finding it so difficult to choose contentment and gratitude over discontentment and longing.  But the above still holds true - if I could learn the lessons He wants to teach me in a different place or in a different way, I would BE in that place.  He doesn't make mistakes, I am not forgotten.  He chose me when I was five years old, and He still chooses me every single day that has passed since then.  And so I am left with my own choice - do I keep striving to be someone I am not, and make myself unhappy by focusing on all the things that I do not have?  Or do I choose to follow my Savior down any road that He leads me, trusting the outcome of my life to Him?  I look back on all that I have learned over the past five years - so much that He has taught me! And He has never failed me, not once!  I don't know where I will be another five years from now, what roads I will have walked, but I do know that I will be right where I am supposed to be.  And that, my friends, is a good place to be.