February Goals

Perhaps I will be a bit more punctual when posting my March goals, but here are my February goals even though the month is already half over.

Monthly Goals

- host a fun birthday party for Rory

- Read His Needs, Her Needs

- Read a parenting book (Give Them Grace)

- Begin the whole30!

- have a one on one date with each of my girls

Weekly Goals

-post on the blog weekly

- do a random act of kindness for a friend or stranger

- check in and build community on the Influence Network

Daily Goals

- get up at 6 am everyday to have quiet time before the girls get up

- read the Bible to the girls every night before bed

- List a gratitude every day (at least one!)

- Say one nice thing to someone else

- complete the daily prompt for the Spark Your Creativity online course I signed up for

As I mentioned in my earlier post, this month's focus is on love and some tangible ways that I have decided to do that this month are bringing a treat to share during fellowship at church on Sunday, baking cookies with my girls to share with a couple of my friends, and leaving a note ( or two) in my husband's lunchbox for him to read (and probably get embarrassed over in his lunch room).  Another goal I had was to set aside a few hours one morning before Lent started to really pray over where my heart was/is during this time and asking Him what resting in Him and abiding in Him really looks like.  I am participating in the She Reads Truth lent study, as well as some journaling and prayer exercises as I am wrestling with where God is calling me and what my kingdom service should look like.  I am thinking about writing a separate post specifically about that.

February happiness project

So on the heels of my January happiness project post, here's the February one ( I didn't want to forget again!).  Given that February is often associated with love due to Valentine's day, I figured that would be my focus for the month.  Originally I had designed it to be centralized on marriage, but decided to broaden it a bit.  I came up with four areas: 1) loving others, 2) loving my people, 3) loving myself, and 4) God's love for me.

For loving others, I thought it would be nice to do random acts of kindness each week, as well as sending little cards of encouragement to my friends.  I want people in my life to feel appreciated, (and maybe even some RAK for a stranger as well!)

Loving my people refers to my immediate family, and I want to especially make my husband feel loved this month.  This includes little proofs of love ( like making his coffee or putting a note in his lunch for him to find the next day).  I also want to make more time to really love on my kids - they are both so different, and I want to show them proofs of love that are meaningful to them individually, not just together.  I have a special valentines breakfast planned for them as well, and a little treat for them to have.

Loving myself means that I want to focus on health and wellness this month, specifically in the area of food and nutrition.  I decided to start the whole 30 ( today is day one!) and I am really excited about it.  I am planning on posting on that a bit more as I am on this journey, so stay tuned.

Today marks the first day of Lent as well, and while I didn't grow up observing the liturgical calendar, and I don't participate in Ash Wednesday services or anything, I still think that Lent is a great time to focus on the Lord, our redemption through His blood, and how we are in such desperate need of a Savior.  I want to spend time over the next forty days drawing close to Him and really seeking Him out.  I know that there is nothing that I need to say or do, that He already loves me and that regardless of my sin, I am forgiven and free.  This is not through my own doing, but because of what He has already done on the cross.  So as I think about love this February, I want to remember the greatest love of all - Him sending His Son to die for me, so that I might live.

on leaving a legacy.

I signed up for Ann Voskamp's newsletter a few weeks ago, and I opted for the one that sends you a bunch of stuff over the weekend, rather than a few things here and there.  It has become a bit of a Sunday morning ritual to sit with my coffee in front of the computer and read the articles and watch the videos that she has chosen to share with her newsletter readers.  One of the links was to a blog post that she had written a few days ago as an anthem for women.  It really encouraged me, and I highly recommend that you go read it first before reading the rest of this post.  I'll wait....

It's so great, isn't it?  That Ann really has a way with words.  My favorite part is where she writes:

"We are the women who make our lives about the cause of Christ, not the applause of men.

We are the women who live to express the Gospel, not to impress the Jones’.

We are the women who live not to make our absence felt, but to make Christ’s presence known.

We are the women who know it’s not about us and all about Jesus. "

So so good.  I thought two things as I read this, and those are what I wanted to share with you here.  One - I really felt convicted that despite my desire to want to share Christ and not to seek to impress others, I realized that part of me still wants to be known and to leave a legacy of sorts.  I want to do something that matters, and sometimes I think it is because I want to be making a difference, rather than seeking for Christ to make a difference through me. Instead, I want to be a woman who lives to make Christ's presence known, rather than to make my absence felt.  The second point I wanted to make is this - I have two young daughters and I want them to grow up to live the same way.  And the best way to help them do that is to model it for them.  I want to show them what it means to be a daughter of Christ and how to live as women that live for His cause and not other's applause.  I want them to learn how to live out the gospel because it is true, and good, and life-giving and not to seek the world's false claims of the same.  I want them to live as women redeemed instead of women still searching for what makes them worthy.  So I need to live all that first - with God's help, to His glory and praise.  That is a legacy worth leaving.

happiness project for January - a little late

I thought that I had already posted this, but I discovered that I wrote it, and then saved it instead of publishing it.  Oh well - here it is, a bit late...

I haven't blogged in a while about my happiness project, so I thought that I might do that.  January's happiness project is very much in full swing, I just apparently forgot to post about it.  January's focus is to "Study the Word" [ spiritual growth ].  This included reading the scriptures daily, memorizing scripture, and keeping a prayer/devotional journal.  I have been following along with She Reads Truth as I have been for over a year now, but I also wanted to add another study for this month.  I got "Open your Bible" by Amanda Bible Williams and Rachael Myers for Christmas, and I am enjoying this study.  It is literally about diving into the word and why it is important to do it daily.  This was a perfect study for this month's focus, and I am thankful that I chose to do it.  I also have been working on memorizing scripture.  I actually incorporated the goal of memorizing a scripture each week into my goals for 2016, so its not just a January Happiness Project goal.

I guess technically the point of the happiness project was to add a new focus each month, but to keep the old ones as well, although I haven't been keeping up with each focus area as much as I did during the month that it originated.  I do find that I write/blog more than I did before November however.  And I have decided to keep up with December's goal of documenting life into 2016, and plan on capturing as many moments on instagram as I can this year.

As far as the following months of my happiness project go, I am thinking about adding more to the project that I originally planned.  I am not sure what this looks like yet exactly, or if it is practical with work, kids, etc. but I am at least interested in trying it out.  I will post more about my thoughts on this later - probably when I discuss the happiness project for February, so stay tuned!

for those of you that are still waiting.

If I can be honest, I really am sitting here writing a blog post because I am trying to avoiding vacuuming my house.  However, I really did have something on my heart that I wanted to share.  Its about busyness.  This isn't going to be a post about what to do when you have a million things on your plate, and you can't seem to fit it all in.  There are plenty of wonderful resources to tap into if that is an area you are struggling in.  This is a post for the people like me that are the opposite of busy and are wondering what is wrong with them.  If you are human, you still have lots to do in a day - the house doesn't clean itself, the laundry doesn't just jump on in that washing machine, and you still have mouths to feed, even if it is just your own. This is for the people that see everyone on their instagram feed talking about their mile long to-do lists and the crazy amount of work they need to catch up on, and you are just praying that you will get a job because living on one income has been really tough.  This is for those of you that have had dreams of opening up your own business, but for one reason or another it just hasn't worked out for you.  This is for the person who thought you would go out and make a difference in your community or that great non-profit, but God hasn't opened any doors yet.  This post is for every one of you that feels like you aren't doing enough.

Right now, you are doing exactly what you should be doing.  Really.  If you have prayed for Him to show you your purpose but you still don't have any clear direction from him,  if you have said to God "Make me useful!" but you don't see any doors opening just yet, then you are right where He wants you for right now -  and you just need to be okay with that.  Sometimes we think that making a difference comes in the form of volunteering for a great organization, and instead He wants you to shovel your neighbors steps.  Sometimes we think that having our own business would be what brings glory to God ( and it can!) but right now He wants us to glorify Him as we instead wait patiently for Him to move.

Sister, if you aren't moving mountains or trailblazing a path through the wilderness - take heart! He can use the little things to bring about His kingdom too.  Use this time wisely!  Show up for your kids games and meet your friend for coffee.  Get your husband's shoes out from under the bed and put them in the closet where they belong without complaining that he should have done it in the first place.  Put a love note in your kid's lunchbox. Volunteer in your church's nursery. Go through your old clothes and take them to Goodwill.  These are all small things, but you have no idea what kind of impact they could make in the hands of God.

Let Him teach you His heart while you are in this season. Grow. Learn. Trust.  Take your fill of Him while the days are long and your impact seems small.  You have no idea what is around the next corner, and how He is using this time to prepare you for what is waiting for you just around the bend.

the deal with grace&canvas

I learned so much over the last few months after starting my business and I wanted to share that here.  If you follow along on grace&canvas' instagram, you have probably noticed that it has been pretty quiet on that front.  I found that doing what you love as a business doesn't always mean you will love what you do when you do it for work.  I also became really disheartened when not a single painting sold.  It is hard to push ahead with something when you feel like you have already failed before you started.  I think that there are times when you need to just suck it up and keep going, because hard work can pay off in the long run if you don't give up.  Actually, I think you should always do that.  Except for when you shouldn't.

I spent the last of 2014 and almost all of 2015 wanting to start my own business.  I thought of a hundred ideas and none of them fit.  I found that I loved painting in my free time and got some good feedback on my paintings, so thought I might be able to make that work.  I prayed for a name for weeks but nothing seemed right.  Then, on a weekday afternoon while waiting for my girls to get off the bus, the name grace & canvas just popped in my head.  I know God planted it, because my creativity wasn't coming to my rescue any of the weeks prior.  I dived in and set up a (free) website and waited.  And nothing happened.  It has only been a few months, but with the lack of sales my drive started to lack as well.  The holidays came and that sucked my time and energy.  With each day that went by, I felt like I was failing my little business and so I didn't even have the heart to go post anything at all.  So I just stopped.  Cold turkey.  I had the promise of painting reveals and give-away's, but I didn't do any of that.  I asked God why He allowed me to come up with a name and an idea if it wasn't meant to be?  I really wanted my own business for so long, and now that I had it, I didn't want it anymore.

A friend shared some great words of wisdom with me and instead of paraphrasing her words, I thought I would just add them here:

" I have been listening to a few podcasts lately and in one of them someone (I think it was Elizabeth Gilbert) said that it's not so much about IF we will fail (because failure is an inevitable part of a business and/or creativity) but whether something is worth doing even when we fail. That really spoke to me and I thought I'd share it in case it's helpful for you as well. I think sometimes God asks us to jump in and do something, and what we get out of it is not what we initially expect, but walking the journey with Him shapes us in ways nothing else would."

I learned that wanting to have my own business wasn't wrong, but I also learned that the timing just wasn't right for me right now.  I learned that starting grace&canvas had a purpose, but it wasn't because it was my "big break".  It was because God used it to teach me about patience, and how it needs to be His timing not mine.  He taught me about myself and what I was capable of, and what I really want my time to consist of.  He taught me that He can give me an idea whenever He wants to and that I don't need to search anymore for the right idea.  It will come when it is time, so for now I really want to just sit back and let God teach me some more things.  And I picked up a paint brush today for the first time, and it was really nice to do it just for me.  I didn't put it in the shop (which I am leaving open for now, because, well, free.) so the only place you can see it is at the beginning of this post and where I shared it on instagram.   I named the painting [f r e e d o m ] because I believe in having the freedom to create for the sake of creating, not because it needs to result in anything.  I want to see where God will take me this year, and I just want to go along for the journey.   I know He can open doors for me to do big and wonderful things, but for now I am ready to begin living life for what is, not what could be.

my anti-goals

So I am not sure if anti-goals are really an accurate word to describe these, and it certainly does make this post sound more dramatic than it is meant, but I am talking about things that are the opposite of goals that I had last year.  Things that I thought were important and life-giving, ended up having the opposite effect on me, and this year I want to do the opposite of these goals, they are anti-goals if you will.

Last year I really wanted to become a blogger, but soon realized it wasn't a gift of mine.  At least not at the time.  I already wrote a whole post about this back in October so I won't go over it all again,  I just bring it up as one of the anti-goals for this year.  I want to use my blog to my advantage in 2016, as a sounding board, as a platform for my thoughts, and I don't want to worry if even one person reads it, because quite frankly, no one probably will.  And I want that to be okay.

Another thing that I cared a lot about last year was instagram followers.  I am actually ashamed to admit this, because there is nothing to gain by having one or one thousand followers.  I guess if you have a business (which I kind of do, but that will be discussed in a later post) it is really good to have exposure to build your business.  However, there is all that stuff about target markets and things, and so you could have 4568854332 followers, but if they aren't your target market then you really don't have any advantage to have all those followers.  I have heard it said that having followers on instagram is like monopoly money - what does it really do for you in the long run?  Anyway, it still used to really bother me when I saw the numbers go down.  I am also really ashamed to admit this.  I remember I posted something ( cannot for the life of me remember what it was, but it wasn't anything controversial, and I like to think that I don't post any really crappy pictures) and I noticed like seven people un-followed me within the next few hours.  I asked myself what I might have done wrong and I ruminated on it for the rest of the afternoon.  However, I soon reminded myself of the above truth - that followers don't equal success or that you're cool, or worthy, or anything.  That is not to say that I am not appreciative of my followers, because of course I am.  I love interacting in the comments, and I love to see the likes that certain pictures of mine receive.  I just mean to say that my worth is not defined by how many people follow me on social media.  I am a child of God and THAT defines me.  So another goal for me in 2016 - don't even look at the numbers.  They don't matter.  What matters is that I use social media as another platform to voice the words that God gives me and to share the pictures that I consider beautiful or meaningful or having purpose.  My anti-goal for instagram in 2016 - ignore the numbers.  Post what matters to me.  End of story.

The last anti-goal that I have is something that I plan on writing a separate post about.  However, since it is relevant to this post, I will share a little bit here.  I don't want to worry about having a business this year.  Last year I ate, slept, and breathed ideas for a business that circulated inside my head constantly.  Ideas would come and go, and nothing seemed right until I settled on grace&canvas.  I have learned a lot through this experience, and my biggest take-away is that it is not for me to worry about right now.

So as I similarly shared on a recent instagram post, I want 2016 to be a year of stepping back and evaluating what truly matters and not allowing comparison to be my yardstick, but instead focusing on the things that God places on my heart.  I look forward to sharing more when the time is right and when the words are there, and then when the words don't come and life presses in, silence is perfectly okay.