a fresh start

I didn't have to go to work today.  I took the day off about three weeks ago.  I told my boss that I really needed some "me" time and I am lucky enough to work for a company that believes in a work/life balance being really important for their employees.  She encouraged me to take a day for me, so here I am.  Last night I was so excited when I went to bed because I didn't have to set my alarm.  I envisioned getting up early anyway, while the family was still sleeping soundly in their beds. I would tiptoe into the kitchen and brew some fresh coffee, sit at the kitchen table and read my devotions for the day,  I would relish the peace and quiet and find myself being recharged as I read His Word and sipped my coffee alone.

Here's what really happened - I woke up to a snotty kiss from my youngest.  I groggily opened my eyes to her bright, smiling face.  "Good morning Mommy!" she yelled into my ear.  Then she smacked another kiss on my face and ran off to join her younger sister in the living room where the TV was already blaring.  "Whaa?" I said as I looked at the clock - it was only 7:30, but much too late for the peace and quiet I was hoping to have.  My husband (who lost his job in July and doesn't have to report anywhere on a daily basis) just rolled over and went back to sleep.  I laid there for a couple minutes and got up to make the coffee.  "Rory!", I called to my oldest.  "Time to get dressed for school! You have to go out and wait for the bus in 30 minutes!" I had to yell above the TV until I reached the remote and turned it off.  She scampered off into her room where she selected the most mis-matched clothes she could and then began stripping down in the living room.  First- grade fashion reminds me a lot of what is "trendy" now.  Mixing big prints with little prints, stripes with flowers.  I, myself, am wearing the same clothes I did before Rory was born.  Like, the very same clothes.  And I haven't showered in almost seven years either.  Okay all that is a lie, but you get the picture.  There is not a lot of time and money left over for yourself when you have kids.  Especially on one salary right now.

I made it to the coffee maker and emptied out yesterday's coffee - cold and stale - and began to make a fresh pot.  I love the smell of coffee beans.  They are so rich and inviting - an invigorating smell that automatically makes any morning better.  As the coffee brewed, I started on tonight's dinner that I was too tired to make the night before.  French toast casserole - one of the family's favorites because breakfast for dinner is just the best.  It is supposed to sit in the fridge over night so that the bread absorbs the eggs, but I figure all day in the fridge is almost as good.  I poured apple juice, cereal, and milk times two and called the girls to come have breakfast.  After they ate, it was time to meet the bus, and my husband threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and brought the girls outside.  Rory is the only one who takes the bus - Charlotte is in her last year of pre-school, but she likes to stand outside and watch her big sister get on the bus that she is looking forward to taking once September rolls around again.  Enter in my peace and quiet.  Except for my dog who barks at the car that just drove by, and the neighbor walking their dog, and the leaf that just blew by in the wind.  Then my husband and Charlotte come in.  End scene.

With dinner in the fridge, I sit down to eat my breakfast while Charlotte runs to her sister's tablet that she never gets to use when Rory is home.  She plays all the games she always has to watch her sister play.  She asks me to help her when she gets stuck.  I set down my phone that I had been reading my devotional on, and help her.  And then again.  And then a third time. I remind her that I am trying to spend some time reading my Bible and I would be happy to help her after I have finished.  She gives up on the game, sits down at the table and tries to watch Disney on the tablet. I remind her that she is welcome to watch any of the Disney Jr shows, but that the regular Disney shows are just a little too grown up for her.  This sets her off and she opens her mouth and yells "NO! DISNEY JR IS BOOORING! I WANT TO WATCH JESSIE!".  Oh here we go.  "No Charlotte, Jessie is too grown up, and I don't like how the kids on that show treat the adults.  They are disrespectful, and I don't want you getting any ideas".  Truth is, she doesn't need any help in this department.  She is already screaming, tears running down her face, "No Mommy! I want to watch Jessie! NOOOWWW!!"  On this last word her eyes become large and and her face is screwed up in a snarl.  She looks a bit like a demon at this point.  Great.  So I won't bore you with the details, but the following fifteen minutes involve a lot of screaming and crying - me screaming, her crying.  There are things thrown and doors slammed - her - and there are yells of frustration and eyes that are rolled - mine.  After she has settled down, and I have settled down, she is sitting on my lap and I am braiding her hair, and I beg my husband to take her somewhere - anywhere.  I had wanted some "me" time but instead I am running around grabbing up laundry, yelling at my daughter, and the devotions that I had read are already part of the past and I don't even remember what I read because I was interrupted fourteen times.

They get dressed, and pile into the car, after Charlotte has kissed me goodbye six times and asked if she can sit in my lap again when she gets back home.  I wave as they drive away, and then I sit down on the couch and just enjoy the silence for a minute.  And I think over the last hour.  And I wish it had gone differently. I had this perfect picture of how today was going to start, and it didn't even come close.  And it hits me - the parts that I am regretting right now are not the missing out on having quiet time without interruptions, or the quiet in the house while drinking coffee.  I am regretting how I yelled at my daughter for yelling at me.  I am regretting that I read His word without being more intentional.  I got up and put Charlotte in time out before I even prayed for this day, for me, for this family that I have been blessed with.

I love that, with the Lord, I don't need to hold on to my regrets.  He has washed away my sins, my yelling, my anger, my lack of focus on Him when I should be keeping my eyes on Him always.  His Grace is enough for me, His Love is all encompassing, and I can start today over because He has given me a fresh start.  Not only for today, but for my life.  It is in Him that I can find the strength to try again.  He "who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of His own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began" ( 2 Timothy 1:9) He is faithful even when I am failing.  He is trustworthy even when I break my promises.  And He reminds me that the only "me" time that I truly need, is when my eyes are on Jesus. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19a NIV.  If there is something I need during the storms of life, it is an anchor for my soul.  Thank you Jesus that you keep me firm and secure, no matter what.

And now, before my husband gets back with the youngest, and before the oldest gets home from school, I am going to spend some time for me. This time, I think I have a better picture of what that is supposed to look like.

Scrapbook Sunday:: January/February Monthly Title Page/ Goal Lists

I am still waiting for my January pictures to come in the mail, so I haven't gotten a lot done on my scrapbook beyond the 2014 title pages.  I did, however, finish my January title page.  This actually took me a long time because I had been brainstorming for awhile about what I wanted to include in my monthly pages.  I knew I wanted to make sure I incorporated my OLW for at least the January title page.  I also wanted to give myself two or three goals or prompts for the month to focus on.  Here is my January title page- they won't always be this long, I don't think. I just wanted to set the expectations/ideas I had for the coming months.

Seeing as how it is now February,  I also did my February title page, even though I'm still not done with January. This one is not as long, although I am planning on adding at least one more goal for the month, as long as the month isn't half over by the time I come up with it! :)

Scrapbook Sunday:: One Little Word 2014

One Little Word 2014:: Purpose

I chose the word Purpose this year because I really want to focus on what my purpose is.  I know that ultimately, my purpose is to glorify Him.  However, there are so many choices that I make in a day, and I want to make sure that they have Purpose in my life.  I want to make sure that each day serves a purpose, so that I do not feel like I am drifting endlessly on the sea of the every day routine.  I want to make this year different in that I find ways to truly focus on my purpose and on finding the purpose of things around me.  There will be more on what this means to me in later posts, but for now I just want to show you my OLW title page in my scrapbook.

Here, a 6x6 pocket (the other side will be our family picture that I put at the front of our album each year - still waiting for these to arrive in the mail)

Here are pins that I found that either have the word purpose in them, or are about purpose.

 I used the back side to document my reasons for choosing the word as well as the definition. I actually combined the last two January OLW prompts to come up with this idea.

Again, since I opted not to take the One Little Word class this year, I am going to make them up as I go - maybe I wont do something every month, but I am going to try.  Especially since this word really means something to me at this point in my life.  It is really functional, and I think I can get a lot out of it this year.  Stay turned...

Winter Bucket List

1. Use spray bottles of water and food coloring to "paint" the snow.

2. Make s'mores

3. Have a movie night in our PJs

4. Make snow ice cream.

5. Bake and decorate Valentines cookies

6. Have a date night with the hubs

7. Make a hearty stew in the crockpot

8. Make valentines for classmates. (this? or this? )

9. Take a day off on a snowy day to stay in bed and read all day

10.  Bake some yummy cookies to share with our neighbors.

Scrapbook Sunday:: Hello 2014

Every year, I make a scrapbook of our family's daily life - I started this in 2011 and have done it a little differently each year.  For 2011 and 2012 I used a 12x12 album and different-sized photo-pocket pages.  This style was very easy to use but I felt like it relied on taking a lot of pictures and I am not very good at that.  I used Simple Stories:Life Documented for 2011 and in 2012 I used Becky Higgins: Project Life.  I really like a lot of her core kit styles and would not be opposed to doing this again in the future.  (My favorite kits currently are either the Strawberry kit or the Dear Lizzy Neapolitan kit.)

In 2013 I decided to try something a little different.  I started with an 8.5x11 sized album and used the Smash Journal as an inspiration.  I liked the combination of photos, journaling, and mementos that I could put on each page and not have to "fit" everything in to a certain format. I did not actually purchase a Smash Journal, but I did buy a lot of the add-ons and I bought different scrapbooking kits for each month - themed to match the season, or the holiday that was the month's focus, i.e. Halloween, or Thanksgiving.  This year, I am continuing to use that "smash journal" style with another 8.5x11 album but I decided to use only about 5 different kits and use them throughout the year - and of course adding in holiday-themed pages when necessary.  I still have so much paper left over from last year, it seemed silly to buy another 12 different kits.  This way it will still have a different look from last year but will be a lot cheaper.

Another thing I have done every year is Ali Edwards: One Little Word.  I have picked a different word to focus on each year since 2011.  Ali offers a class, which I have taken for the past two years.  The first year I didn't use it much, and the second year I was pretty faithful for the first half, but the second half I fell out of the habit.  I still printed all the monthly prompts, but didn't end up completing them.   This year, I decided not to participate in the classroom, but would still like to think of a word to focus on for the year.  I am still between two words, and once I decide on it I will share it in another Scrapbook Sunday post.  I will either re-use some old prompts or maybe think of my own to help me keep my word in focus all year.

I think my favorite thing about starting a new scrapbook is the title page.  It can look any way you want, but I try to make it themed to reflect what I have in mind for the year.  I try to use papers and styles that will be repeated throughout the scrapbook.  I did not include my One Little Word (OLW) in my title page like I usually do, because i haven't decided on it yet, but I might still make an additional title page that will specifically be about my OLW.

Here are the front and back sides of my title page for 2014:

I am planning on blogging about my 2014 scrapbooking journey at least once a month as Scrapbook Sunday.  I am planning on making a decision on my word this week and will blog about that next Sunday.  See you soon!

holiday planner freebie!

 I love planners! I love to feel organized, and there is nothing like having all your thoughts, ideas, and to-do's listed on paper for you make sure you are keeping on top of things.  Being organized is especially important around a busy time of year like the holidays! I thought about using a notebook, but wanted to make it more fun and personalized. I decided to come up with a planner that could be re-used year after year.  

I have created each item as its own file, and this way you can print as many as you need of each section.  You can also keep printing them out and re-using them each year.  The nine sections include: 

• a budget planner to make sure you don't over do it on gifts and decorations
• a holiday supply checklist to keep track of decorations and wrapping supplies you need to stock up on for the season.
• a gift-giving list to keep track of all your gift ideas
• a shopping planner to keep track of stores you want to hit up on Black Friday as well as the sites you want to visit on Cyber Monday
• a Christmas card list with names and addresses
• a holiday events planner for keeping track of parties, activities for the kids, etc.
• a holiday menu planner to organize your holiday meal menu and their preparation times so you know when to start preparing each item.
• a grocery list to write down all the items you need to purchase for your holiday meal or any edible gifts you want to make
• a holiday to-do list that counts down all the things that need to be done leading up to Christmas such as decorating, ordering Christmas cards, wrapping gifts, etc.  The to-do list is my favorite part of the planner and it has three pages of tasks that start counting 8 weeks before Christmas.  I know some don't like to think about Christmas before Halloween or even Thanksgiving, but personally I think it is comforting to know that you are staying on top of all the things that need to be done during the busy holiday season.  This way you are not scrambling about the last couple weeks before Christmas - battling crowds at the mall or staying up late wrapping gifts on Christmas Eve.  I think that this time of year should be about family and spending time together, and by being organized you can do a little bit here and there and still have plenty of time to enjoy the season with your loved ones.

I've also included a blank monthly calendar that you can use along with the to-do list to make sure you get everything done when you want to!

There is a coordinated cover page that tops it all off! It has room to write the year above the words "holiday planner".

There are many different ways to organize your planner once you have printed all the pages.  I was going to buy a three-ring binder that has a clear pocket on the front to put the cover in.  I was going to, until I saw this cute binder and I had to have it: 

I just put the cover page as the first page inside the binder:

You can organize the sections however you want, and some might want to include divider tabs for each section in their binder.  You can keep it as simple or make it as creative as you want!  And the best part is, you are well on your way to being organized this holiday season!

tonight finds me looking back...

at my first blog and reading old posts that a girl just like me wrote on a night just like tonight.  It was a post I wrote as the summer was ending and the fall was beginning, and the days were getting shorter and I felt that I wasn't using my time wisely enough.  And the thing is, as I read that post I realized I am still that same girl.  I still feel like I am a slave to my tasks and I am not focusing on what is important.  I don't particularly enjoy laundry, vacuuming, or dishes, but they have to get done and my perfectionism forces me to get them crossed off my to-do list instead of just letting it go every once and a while.  I had written a prayer to Him at the end of that post and said it was my new purpose statement.  Well truth is, it has been three years and I still feel like I am back where I started.  So I am going to end this post once again with my prayer.  And I really want to make sure that three years from now I am not sitting here feeling like I am still in the same place I once was.  I want to change my life for the better, starting one day at a time.  And I know some will be good days, and some will be bad days, but I want them to be His days...

Jesus, this is still my purpose statement, one that I tell You from the very depths of my heart.  I want to be a wife first and a mother second, and a housekeeper very dead last or perhaps not even at all.  I want to treasure my children not a sparkling kitchen, I want to bake apple pies with them and go see the animals at the zoo.  I want to sit on the floor and read book after book and make a tower with blocks so high and knock it all down just to build it again.  I want to lay in my husbands arms at night and feel his heart beating and the rise and fall of his chest, and be content with who I am.  I don't want to feel lost anymore, I want to feel like I am truly myself for the first time.  Please help me to give it all to You each day.  To find rest in You alone.  To go from strength to strength, and every one of them Yours.  Please help me to feel content with the busyness of work and commuting and the chores that have to be done and keep me from focusing on them as if they are all that my life consists of.  Please help me not to be consumed with the day to day but to be consumed by You and the blessings that you have given me each day. Take my life and let it be consecrated it all to Thee...