finding purpose along the road

This morning the She Reads Truth devotional was on John 9:1-41.  In this passage, Jesus and his disciples encounter a blind man who had been blind since birth.  The disciples asked Jesus who it was that had sinned - him or his parents?  Jesus answered "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."  This verse caught my breath and I started thinking once again about the purpose He might have for me.

This man had been blind since birth.  He never saw a beautiful sunset painted on the canvas of the horizon, could only feel the warmth of the sun on his face.  He would walk along a dusty road and never notice the beautiful flowers or plants that God had made.  He knew no colors, only shapes and textures.  A lot of the beauty of this creation was lost on him. He could not work - sitting on the side of the road begging was all he was known for.  Even his parents were distant.  It says in verses 21-23 that his parents were afraid to testify about Jesus being God because they were afraid to be put out of synagogue.  When the Jews questioned them on who healed their son, rather than standing up for their son and backing up his story, they put the questioning back on him.  "He is of age", they said, "ask him".  I am sure this man often questioned his purpose here on this earth each day he sat lonely on the side of the road - probably felt he had none at all.

But God.  He showed this man his purpose and it came in the form of mud and spit.  And then he had sight!    His life was changed in a moment!  An encounter with Jesus does that.  It is easy to find ourselves feeling discouraged and wondering why we are sitting on the side of the road in life, when we wish we could be doing something more.  But even then, God has a purpose for us.  We do not know when or how it will be revealed, but know this - He knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and you can bet that it will be something amazing, because when God's works are displayed in our lives, they cannot be anything short of amazing!  God used this sinful beggar to testify in front of the Jews that Jesus was from God.  He uses us too.  When we go to work, when we stay home with our kids, when we do the day-to-day seemingly purposeless things that God has called us to do with a joyful heart- He uses us.   When we trust in His plan and let Him be displayed in our lives, He uses us.  The day we met Jesus our lives were forever changed! So I will keep getting up each morning and trust that He has me right where He wants me, even if I can't see the purpose in it just now.  And I want to be ready for the day that he slaps some mud on my eyes and says "This! This is the plan I have for your life - go and do this!"

welcome 2015!

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been thinking a lot about my themes for 2015. I wanted to share the five that I want to invite into my life for this year.  I really believe that these are themes that He wants me to focus on over the next 12 months (and beyond) and I want my goals for the next year to flow out of them.

THEME #1 - Trust Him fully

I want to trust Him more every day, allowing the Spirit to lead me where He would have me go. I want to trust that He will provide, that He will sustain, and that He will hem me in behind and before.( Psalms 139:5)

THEME #2 - Keep my eyes on Jesus

photo credit - shereadstruth.com

I want to keep my eyes on Jesus, each day looking to build His kingdom, not my own.  I want to go through each day with eternity as my focus - my purpose lies at the foot of the cross and that is where my past can be laid down, and my future can be found.

I plan on continuing to spend time in His word each day because that is how I can grow and learn more about what it means to be like Jesus.  I have found such encouragement and blessing in the SRT community, and I encourage you to check out www.shereadstruth.com if you haven't already!

 THEME #3: Grace upon grace

Grace. What an amazing gift!  Deserved by none, and yet so freely given by our Father.  This year I want to fully accept the grace that is mine through Jesus and let it be enough.  All my broken and messy places are nothing compared to the grace that has been given to me.  I am such a perfectionist, but I want to let that go.   I want to be who I am in Christ - imperfect but redeemed.  He is MORE than enough!  I want to remember to give myself grace when my goals go unmet or my plans seem to fail.  I want to let His grace wash over me when I don't love like I should, or act like I should.  It's about looking to Jesus and starting over in Christ - NOT feeling like a failure.

THEME #4: Nothing is impossible with God

This year I dare to dream God-sized dreams and then watch what He does.  I believe that even if my dreams aren't realized in the way that I anticipated or hoped for, that He will do even better, and that my life will forever be changed.  I want to let God be God, and watch him work in my life however He chooses. 

THEME #5: Love one another earnestly

I want to love my family more deeply and whole-heartedly.  He has given me such blessings in my husband and two little girls. I want to put them before myself and love them as Jesus loves.  I want to think about what it means to love earnestly!  I want to devote more time to them and say Yes! to them even when it means saying no to something else that I might want to do.  Thank you Jesus for these three dear people. and please help me to love them well!

All of these pictures are on my 2015 vision board on Pinterest, and you are welcome to pin them to your own vision board if you would like!

:: starting 2015 well ::

I am beginning to get so excited for 2015! How about you?  Every time a new year approaches, it feels so fresh and white and well, new.  January starts and you feel like you can do anything, go anywhere, make anything happen.  

Then March begins and you don't even remember what happened over the last two months.  Before you know it, it is June, and the kids are getting out of school and you aren't sure how you even got here.  What happened to those great ideas you had? Do you even remember what they were?  I don't want this to be me in 2015.  I don't want this to be me ever again.  It is time for intentional goal planning - not resolutions, but goals that are prayed over, well thought out, and assigned actionable tasks that can be used to measure progress throughout the year.

First,  I picked up a set of Lara Casey's powersheets and I am so ready to start using them.  If you haven't heard of Powersheets, you need to click on the above link before we go any further and read about them.  They are awesome!  They are a great way of really looking at where you have been and where you want to go.  I am a planner/list-maker/dreamer by nature, but sometimes those big picture goals seem really difficult to break down into small actionable tasks and Powersheets are designed to help with this.  They are a great resource for all women who want to make time for what really matters in their life, so if this sounds like something you could use - go grab a set right now (before they are sold out!)

Next, I spent the last few days really thinking about the past year and what God has taught me over the last twelve months.  He has brought us through a lot this year, both good and bad.  We had  major car trouble resulting in having to buy a new one the next day (stressful!), and were blessed with an almost week-long vacation in Florida for a friend's wedding earlier this spring (blissful!).  We experienced the loss of one income at the beginning of the summer (super stressful!), but my husband had the opportunity to spend the summer at the lake with our two little girls almost every day, and they will all cherish those memories for years to come.  Through the big things and the little things, God has worked a lot in my heart - especially in the areas of trusting Him to provide, and learning to be content in the place that He has me.  I know I will never fully grasp these this side of heaven, but I do feel like He has grown me a lot from where I was a year ago.

Now, I am beginning to think about what I want 2015 to look like - what themes I want to carry with me throughout the year.  Using inspiration from Jess Connolly's blog on setting goals and planning for the new year,  I have decided to make a Pinterest board that reflects this.   Thanks Jess for the great idea!  I am planning on adding to this board a lot over the next couple days as I think a lot about my vision for 2015.

After I complete my Powersheets and have a list of goals for this next year, I am planning on blogging about them.  I am excited to share these with you ( and excited to find out what they are! ha!)  I would love to hear about your goals or themes for next year as well!

celebrating advent

I love the Christmas season - all of the lights, the smells, the yummy food.  I love the anticipation of Christmas morning, when we share gifts with each other that we have thoughtfully chosen for each person.  I especially love being together as a family to celebrate that we are part of Christ's family, and that He came as a sweet babe one night to change our entire lives for the better.  The beginning of our great rescue story began that night in Bethlehem and keeping that as our focus each holiday season (and every day!) is what makes Christmas time truly so special.  Every day we talk about what Christmas is about - yes, the parties are fun, and the presents are something to look forward to on Christmas morning - but the real reason is the gift of His son, and that is the greatest present we will ever receive.

One thing that I love to do with my girls each year is celebrate the countdown to Christmas with an advent calendar.  They love waking up each morning and reading the card that tells us what activity we are going to do that day.  I have incorporated some of the memorable things that I loved as a child (like taking a night drive in our PJs to look at Christmas lights, and decorating sugar cookies) as well as some fun things like going to visit Santa at the mall, and making reindeer dust.  I also enjoy doing some activities that remind us what this Season is for - celebrating Christ and being more like Him.  We make cookies to share with our neighbors, and we take some to our librarians before picking out some Christmas books.  We fill a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child and we pick out gifts for our teachers to thank them for helping us learn.  Seeing Christmas through my children's eyes is amazing - they really are so thoughtful and generous, and they challenge me to be the same.

I made the advent calendar from a Martha Stewart kit I bought at AC Moore a few years back:

being still...

I have a confession to make.  This is the season of Thanksgiving, and yet there is a warring within my soul.  I am so thankful for so many things - a family that always loves me, a job that I can count on, a warm home to sleep in every night - yet I am finding myself getting discouraged because sometimes I feel like it is not enough - that I am not enough.  It is hard to stay content when I feel like my purpose is so much greater than the place that I am in right now.  I will tell you a secret - I want to own my own business one day.  I don't know what that looks like yet - I used to see a cutesy, vintage shop where I sold the cupcakes that I baked and decorated, but I don't really see that now.  I see a blank space waiting for me to fill it.  But I don't know that it will ever happen.  I want to work from home, I want to take my kids to the park or the beach on a Tuesday afternoon, not just cram all my family time into the always too-short weekends.  I want to blog about my life and have people care about what I have to say.  I want to stop driving down the road thinking that would be a beautiful picture and just stop and take the picture! I see these beautiful, successful, God-fearing women with popular blogs, creative Instagram feeds, and successful businesses, and I think  why isn't that me? And then I start to feel guilty for not being content.  

But that is where Jesus comes in.  This isn't for me to figure out on my own, He asks me to trust His plan for my life.  And to trust that His plan will be better than mine.  "The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever." Psalm 138:8.  When we find ourselves in these places of uncertainty, it is because He is bringing us to a place where He is the only certain thing.  He is the light to our darkness.  He commands us to "be still and know that I am God" Psalms 46:10 I don't know what paths this life will find me traveling down, but I do know that He will guide my steps if I trust Him to do so.  "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold" Job 23:10.  He is testing me during this time, and if I continue to put my trust in Him, I will come out refined like gold.  It is not an easy process, but it is necessary to make me into the person He has destined me to be, and to fulfill the purpose He has for me. And His purpose for me is even greater than the one I have for myself.  I just have to have faith.

This isn't something I have even come close to mastering - every day I find myself having to put my faith and trust back in Him.  I have to continually place all my cares and burdens into His arms and ask Him to carry them for me, because I am giving them too much weight over my life.  And He gladly takes them.  He loves me when I am resting in His faithfulness, and He loves me when I lose sight of Him and shout WHY?!? He loves me enough to give me a purpose, and to remind me that I need to be still and let Him reveal it to me in His time.  Lord, help me to have faith that you are trustworthy with my life and my future.  Thank you for loving me enough not to just give me everything I ask for, but to give me only that which is good for me.  

There is such a freedom in realizing you cannot control your future, and you don't have to - you need only to give it all to Jesus.  

give thanks in all

" rejoice always, pray without ceasing, 

give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. " 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I have to be honest - I don't always want to give thanks in all circumstances.  There are times when I find it very difficult to be thankful.  Like when my girls are both having meltdowns because it is time for bed and the pajamas they just have to wear are in the wash, lunches still need to be packed, the rest of dinner is still on the stove waiting to be put away, and I can not find Charlotte's blanket anywhere.   Those are hard times to be "giving thanks in all".  However, with this month's spotlight on Thanksgiving, I am really focusing on what it means to be thankful, and how to be thankful in all circumstances.

I think what Paul had in mind for us when he wrote this was for us to keep a spirit of thanksgiving because of who God is and what He has done, regardless of what might be going on in our lives at any given time.  This is not to say that we will always feel thankful when we are knee deep in the trenches of sleepless nights with sick babies, or when we are faced with a difficult choice or mourning a loss.   However, it is important to remember that we are not slaves to our circumstances, but can rise above them because we have been given a new identity in Christ. We have been given an inheritance and a hope and a future.  He is always with us, He is always for us, and we can be always be thankful because He has set us free.

And so I give thanks.  I give thanks that He has brought me out of the mire and set my feet upon solid ground. I  give thanks that I am His daughter - a daughter with heaven in my future.  When we look past our difficulties and see Jesus, we can be truly thankful in all circumstances because He is always in control, and will never ever leave or forsake us.  He will never change and He is always working out His best for us in our lives.  He is bigger than anything that comes our way today or any other day that we are here on this earth!  And so we give thanks in all...

a fresh start

I didn't have to go to work today.  I took the day off about three weeks ago.  I told my boss that I really needed some "me" time and I am lucky enough to work for a company that believes in a work/life balance being really important for their employees.  She encouraged me to take a day for me, so here I am.  Last night I was so excited when I went to bed because I didn't have to set my alarm.  I envisioned getting up early anyway, while the family was still sleeping soundly in their beds. I would tiptoe into the kitchen and brew some fresh coffee, sit at the kitchen table and read my devotions for the day,  I would relish the peace and quiet and find myself being recharged as I read His Word and sipped my coffee alone.

Here's what really happened - I woke up to a snotty kiss from my youngest.  I groggily opened my eyes to her bright, smiling face.  "Good morning Mommy!" she yelled into my ear.  Then she smacked another kiss on my face and ran off to join her younger sister in the living room where the TV was already blaring.  "Whaa?" I said as I looked at the clock - it was only 7:30, but much too late for the peace and quiet I was hoping to have.  My husband (who lost his job in July and doesn't have to report anywhere on a daily basis) just rolled over and went back to sleep.  I laid there for a couple minutes and got up to make the coffee.  "Rory!", I called to my oldest.  "Time to get dressed for school! You have to go out and wait for the bus in 30 minutes!" I had to yell above the TV until I reached the remote and turned it off.  She scampered off into her room where she selected the most mis-matched clothes she could and then began stripping down in the living room.  First- grade fashion reminds me a lot of what is "trendy" now.  Mixing big prints with little prints, stripes with flowers.  I, myself, am wearing the same clothes I did before Rory was born.  Like, the very same clothes.  And I haven't showered in almost seven years either.  Okay all that is a lie, but you get the picture.  There is not a lot of time and money left over for yourself when you have kids.  Especially on one salary right now.

I made it to the coffee maker and emptied out yesterday's coffee - cold and stale - and began to make a fresh pot.  I love the smell of coffee beans.  They are so rich and inviting - an invigorating smell that automatically makes any morning better.  As the coffee brewed, I started on tonight's dinner that I was too tired to make the night before.  French toast casserole - one of the family's favorites because breakfast for dinner is just the best.  It is supposed to sit in the fridge over night so that the bread absorbs the eggs, but I figure all day in the fridge is almost as good.  I poured apple juice, cereal, and milk times two and called the girls to come have breakfast.  After they ate, it was time to meet the bus, and my husband threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and brought the girls outside.  Rory is the only one who takes the bus - Charlotte is in her last year of pre-school, but she likes to stand outside and watch her big sister get on the bus that she is looking forward to taking once September rolls around again.  Enter in my peace and quiet.  Except for my dog who barks at the car that just drove by, and the neighbor walking their dog, and the leaf that just blew by in the wind.  Then my husband and Charlotte come in.  End scene.

With dinner in the fridge, I sit down to eat my breakfast while Charlotte runs to her sister's tablet that she never gets to use when Rory is home.  She plays all the games she always has to watch her sister play.  She asks me to help her when she gets stuck.  I set down my phone that I had been reading my devotional on, and help her.  And then again.  And then a third time. I remind her that I am trying to spend some time reading my Bible and I would be happy to help her after I have finished.  She gives up on the game, sits down at the table and tries to watch Disney on the tablet. I remind her that she is welcome to watch any of the Disney Jr shows, but that the regular Disney shows are just a little too grown up for her.  This sets her off and she opens her mouth and yells "NO! DISNEY JR IS BOOORING! I WANT TO WATCH JESSIE!".  Oh here we go.  "No Charlotte, Jessie is too grown up, and I don't like how the kids on that show treat the adults.  They are disrespectful, and I don't want you getting any ideas".  Truth is, she doesn't need any help in this department.  She is already screaming, tears running down her face, "No Mommy! I want to watch Jessie! NOOOWWW!!"  On this last word her eyes become large and and her face is screwed up in a snarl.  She looks a bit like a demon at this point.  Great.  So I won't bore you with the details, but the following fifteen minutes involve a lot of screaming and crying - me screaming, her crying.  There are things thrown and doors slammed - her - and there are yells of frustration and eyes that are rolled - mine.  After she has settled down, and I have settled down, she is sitting on my lap and I am braiding her hair, and I beg my husband to take her somewhere - anywhere.  I had wanted some "me" time but instead I am running around grabbing up laundry, yelling at my daughter, and the devotions that I had read are already part of the past and I don't even remember what I read because I was interrupted fourteen times.

They get dressed, and pile into the car, after Charlotte has kissed me goodbye six times and asked if she can sit in my lap again when she gets back home.  I wave as they drive away, and then I sit down on the couch and just enjoy the silence for a minute.  And I think over the last hour.  And I wish it had gone differently. I had this perfect picture of how today was going to start, and it didn't even come close.  And it hits me - the parts that I am regretting right now are not the missing out on having quiet time without interruptions, or the quiet in the house while drinking coffee.  I am regretting how I yelled at my daughter for yelling at me.  I am regretting that I read His word without being more intentional.  I got up and put Charlotte in time out before I even prayed for this day, for me, for this family that I have been blessed with.

I love that, with the Lord, I don't need to hold on to my regrets.  He has washed away my sins, my yelling, my anger, my lack of focus on Him when I should be keeping my eyes on Him always.  His Grace is enough for me, His Love is all encompassing, and I can start today over because He has given me a fresh start.  Not only for today, but for my life.  It is in Him that I can find the strength to try again.  He "who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of His own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began" ( 2 Timothy 1:9) He is faithful even when I am failing.  He is trustworthy even when I break my promises.  And He reminds me that the only "me" time that I truly need, is when my eyes are on Jesus. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19a NIV.  If there is something I need during the storms of life, it is an anchor for my soul.  Thank you Jesus that you keep me firm and secure, no matter what.

And now, before my husband gets back with the youngest, and before the oldest gets home from school, I am going to spend some time for me. This time, I think I have a better picture of what that is supposed to look like.