Lately I have been really struggling with my work/life balance. Or what I feel is a lack thereof. I am balancing a full-time job, my cake business, my two girls and their school schedules, laundry and cleaning house, packing lunches, while trying to find time for my husband, working out, and perhaps some "me" time leftover. I know that I have the same amount of time in a day as every one else, I am just trying to prioritize it all and that is where I am having difficulty. I have a LOT of friends/acquaintances that are able to be stay-at-home moms and I am having a very hard time struggling with jealousy over this. I know that the money I bring in right now is necessary for our budget, but sometimes I wonder if there are other ways we could "make it work". I think that my biggest issue is that I am at work for so much of the day that I have very little time to fit all the rest of it in. I feel like my kids are growing up before my eyes and did I make enough cookies with them? Did I read them enough stories? I know they are still young and I (Lord willing) have many more years with them, but I can't help but feel like my days are rushing by and I am not making the most of it. I have been doing some brainstorming for the past few weeks and I realize that right now I am where God has asked me to be. I pray that one day I can stay home and work on my cake business full-time (my dream!) but I think that I need to honor Him and be content in His timing. It is very hard to come home when it is dark outside (this will be happening soon!!) and try to fit in all of the above mentioned tasks. I pray that if it is His will, that He will open doors sooner rather than later for me to stay home and bake, and be there when my kids get off the bus! I hope this becomes a reality some day - maybe once Charlotte is in school - but for now, I need to ask Him to give me a peace about my schedule and trust that He has a plan.
I definitely need this outlet today. I get really frustrated at times just sitting here waiting for the next call to come in, the next refill request to place, the next phone note to put back to the nurse. Sometimes it makes me feel like all my days are so monotonous and that I'm not really doing anything worthwhile - like I'm not really making a difference. Anyone can be nice on the phone to someone and tell them what they want to hear. I want to DO something that makes a difference. My cakes are my own design, my own creations, no one can do it the way that I will - there will be others like me - but no one that is ME. And this is what I LOVE to do. This is what makes me feel important.
Not only that, but there are a million things that I want to fill my time with - cleaning the house, the latest project, plans for my birthday. And there is only so much I can do just sitting here. I pin, I blog, I google, I plan. But then I want to DO. It is frustrating that by the time I get home, everyone is exhausted, I am exhausted, dinner to serve and baths to give. Then its everyone to bed to get up and do it all again. Monotonous. The weekends are so few and far between - and some of them are used up even before I get to them. Beach to beacon this Saturday - yes I am looking forward to it, but half the day gone, gone. I just wish I could cross more things off my list.. that perpetual to-do list that never really goes away, just changes over time.
I am trying to be patient as I work on my cake business. I am happy with my website, with my cards, with how far I've come. But I have a beautiful planner that is still far too empty. I have a fantastic website with online ordering capability with no orders being placed. Yes it is early, and yes I know it takes time, but still... sometimes this makes me discouraged. I am okay with waiting for a cupcake shop if in the meantime I am getting plenty of orders. This would actually make me feel even better about opening up a shop - like I already have a faithful following, and a shop can only make it better.
And still, here I sit, I need this job. I don't want to need this job. I want to be self-sufficient, successful cake-maker, but here I sit, waiting for the calls...
I used to blog often, or at least occasionally, and stopped a little over a year ago. Life got crazy and I ended up just going from one day to the next with my only time of reflection being shared to others - never inward which I had been missing. So I decided to start a new blog - a fresh start. This time, there are no pen names, just the raw truth of what life is like for a mom of two little girls working OUTSIDE the home full-time as well as trying to start my own cake business. Juggling family, housework, a job, and my business is not easy and sometimes I just need a place to share my thoughts. So here they are...
