my focus areas

I finally decided on the areas I wanted to focus on and ended up coming up with all eleven. I figured if I was going to do this, I would do it right.  Deciding what order to do them was the hardest part because they all seemed important, and something I should start working on right now.  In the end, I decided some with a purpose behind it, and some just arbitrarily.  Here are my eleven areas:

NOVEMBER: Tell your story - Writing

DECEMBER: Spread Joy - Parenthood

JANUARY: Study the Word - Spiritual Growth

FEBRUARY:  The greatest of these is love - Marriage

MARCH:  Be kind - Humanity

APRIL: Outside the Comfort zone - Challenging Myself

MAY: Boost Energy - Vitality

JUNE: Pay attention - Mindfulness

JULY: You learn something new every day - Intellectual Growth

AUGUST:  Keep a Contented Heart - Gratitude

SEPTEMBER: Cultivate Relationships - Friendship

OCTOBER: Bootcamp Perfect - Happiness


 Looking at all the areas, and thinking about doing it for a whole year seems really daunting of a task, and maybe I am crazy to think about doing this, but I really feel like I have to at least try.  Not trying at all would be worse for me than attempting it and realizing I won't be able to see it through.

I still have to finish coming up with my resolutions and make up my charts, and then I will be ready to begin!

my personal commandments

In preparation for starting my Happiness Project, I came up with my own Personal Commandments.  Gretchen came up with her own when she pulled out the overarching principles of her resolutions.  I borrowed some of hers but mostly added my own
.
My Personal Commandments
1. Be Meghan.
2. Give grace.
3. Identify the problem.
4. Stop caring about what other people think.
5. Fail small, not big.
6. React accordingly to the size of the problem.
7. Let it go.
8. Savor your season.
9. Act the way I want to feel.
10. Always start with a list.
11. God is always bigger.
12. Remember Whose you are.

Now that I had come up with these, it was time to nail down the areas that I wanted to focus on.  I had already come up with nine, but were there any more?  And what resolutions did I want to come up with to help me in these areas?

"It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible." - Samuel Johnson

I needed to break down these larger focus areas into smaller, more manageable resolutions if I was ever going to succeed at my project.

a new project

Goodness I love projects.  I love when a new idea comes, I love thinking about how to execute it, and I love starting them.  I don't always finish them however.  I realized this about myself and I also learned a few other things as well.  I just got done reading Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin and I learned a lot.  I highly suggest you read it for two reasons.  1- It's good.  2- I am going to mention some of her "lingo" here and probably won't spell it all out.  So it will be helpful if you want to follow along.

So I learned that I am an Upholder, and that I follow rules are are expected of me (such as the speed limit) as well as rules that I place on myself (such as exercising 5x a week).  It is this realization that helped me start getting up earlier.  I have always wanted to, but have always told myself that I was not a morning person so I just couldn't get out of bed.  After reading this book however, I decided that I could get up earlier if that is what I really wanted to do, so I did.  After all, I set the expectation on myself, and now I carry it out.

Another thing I learned is what I mentioned before.  I am not a Finisher.  I always suspected this to be the case, but it helped to name it, you know?  That means that I don't always finish every book I start (such as the five on my nightstand that I mentioned a few posts back).  I have started writing a book and didn't get past the introduction.  I began my cake business but then I abandoned it.  I have had very good reasons for all of the above, but I also think it is just in my nature that I don't always finish what I start.  I am not sure if I like this quality about myself, but I have also learned that in order to succeed, I need to work within my nature, not against it.

Okay back to the project.  Gretchen Rubin also wrote a book called The Happiness Project, and to me this was GOLD.  I loved everything about it.  I loved the idea of focusing on areas in my life that I wanted to improve, and breaking them down into smaller resolutions that, when followed, could contribute to a greater sense of happiness because I am growing in areas that I want to grow.  She did hers over a course of a year - she chose eleven areas she wanted to focus on and focused on a new one each month.  January was Vitality for example, and then when she started on her February focus (marriage), she also continued along with January's as well and so on.  December was the month she tried to do all the areas at once, a "Perfect Bootcamp".  Now this was years ago, and many have hopped on the Happiness Project bandwagon and I am very late to the party.  As a matter of fact, the Happiness Toolbox that she had developed to aid others on their own projects shut down about three years ago.  As I said, I am late.  I did see that a lot of people wanted to try theirs for a month or whatever, and I wonder if anyone tried to do a whole year like she did.

Well I decided that I was going to try my own project, and I was going to attempt to do the full year.  When I wrote out my areas however, I only came up with nine, and I think I will start there.  I am worried about my inability to be a Finisher, but I am still going to try.  If nothing else, it allowed me to look at the areas that I wanted to improve in my life and develop some helpful resolutions to aid me in this quest.

I am a perfectionist and I really loved the idea of starting in January and going from there, but I am also really excited about it, and the idea of waiting two months just to start wasn't going to work for me.  After all, part of her inclination to even start the project was because she wanted to prepare for - adversity - to develop the self-discipline and the mental habits to deal with a bad thing when it happened.  "The time to start exercising, stop nagging, and organize our digital photos was when everything was going smoothly.  I didn't want to wait for a crisis to remake my life."  I totally agree.  So I am going to start this in November, and go from there.  She did a LOT of research before she started, but I am not sure that I want to spend as much time preparing.  Especially because she did a lot of the legwork for me, and I am planning on modeling mine after hers in quite a few areas.

I feel a lot of guilt about not finishing things that I start, but I have found that most of the time I experience the guilt when I have told other people about my idea and then do not complete it.  For this reason, I may not share this project with others right away, except for my husband.  Or perhaps I will share it, but with the full disclaimer that I have no idea where this will go, but that I want to try.

I am going to spend the rest of the week preparing for the project, and coming up with my resolutions and then I will go ahead and begin in November!

on time and loving well

All we have to decide 

is what to do with the time 

that is given to us.

-Gandalf

Something that I have been given a lot of lately, that I have never really felt like I had much of before, is time.  I am currently looking for work outside the home, and haven't found the right thing for me and my family yet.  So while the kids are at school, I have been able to choose what I do (for the most part).  Now of course there are all the daily/weekly chores like laundry, vacuuming, and dishes that take up part of this time, but the rest?  What have I been up to?

For one thing, I have started a new business.  Its called grace&canvas, and you can find it on facebook , instagram and my shop site.   I have been working on the social media side of  things like promoting and building followers, and I have been praying a LOT about what He wants me to do with my business, and what my vision and core values are.

Another thing that I have been choosing to do with my time is loving others.  It may sound simple, but there are so many different relationships that we have and each one needs something different.  You don't love your husband the way you love your children, and you have a different relationship with your best friend than your neighbor.  How do you do this well, when there are so many different things vying for your time and attention?

For one thing, I have started to say yes to things that I used to have to say no to.  I have more availability to help watch my friend's child, or to meet up for coffee, or to help my mom by letting her dogs out while she is at work all day.  I think of it as doing for others what I needed others to do for me when I was working.

Another area that I am working on improving in my quest to love well is acting on something rather than adding it to the to-do list.  For example, I might have said "Oh, I really need to text so and so, and see how she is doing.  Maybe meet her for coffee sometime.." and then I would forget about it for two or three days and say the same thing all over again.  Now, I just pick up that phone and send that text.  Right now.  And say "Will one day next week work for you to get coffee?? I am free any day but Wednesday."  And then it is not something that I keep putting off or forgetting about.  It is done.

I have been trying to be more intentional about how I view my relationships.  I am trying to look for ways to encourage others, or to seek them out more than I did before.  For example, I might make some apple crisp to bring over to my neighbors, rather than just saying hi to them when we cross paths.  If I see my phone sitting on the desk in between trips to the laundry room,  I might pick it up and send an "I love you" text to my husband before I dive into folding the next basket.  Just these small but intentional gestures not only help others to feel loved, but also help me to keep my heart and mind focused on how to love well.

Whether you work outside the home or stay home, we can all learn to love others well.  Maybe you can't offer to watch your friend's child while she has an appointment to get her wisdom teeth out, because you have to work that day, but you can send her a text on your lunch break to say that you are thinking of her and hope that she isn't in too much pain as she recovers.  Maybe you can't meet up for coffee with your friends as much as you would like, because you are home with three kids under three.  Maybe you write her a card once the kids have gone to sleep to tell her how much you appreciate her friendship, and pop it in the mail.  I think hand-written notes are a great way to love others well - especially these days.

I am not sure what things will look like for me a month, two months, six months from now as far as the amount of free time I have, but I am trying to make the most of THIS time and THIS season to learn how I can love others well, and how I can encourage others that may not be in a great season themselves.

growth.

I have been thinking a lot about myself and how I am wired.  I am a do-er.  If I have an idea for something, I will go out and do it, perhaps even before I have thought it all through.  It will then sit there, unfinished, because I am also someone who has a hard time finishing things.  Not everything mind you.  I finish books.  Well ignore the four books that have been started and then discarded on my nightstand.  I will get to those eventually.  Okay, maybe it is a lot of things.  Why do I start things and then cannot finish them?  Sometimes I lose the fire that I had in the beginning.  Sometimes I lose sight of my vision, and can no longer see the end result, so I just quit.  Sometimes ( and most often with my recent undertakings) I over-think them, and decided that my idea isn't good enough, that no one would read it, and I just choose not to work hard at something that won't go anywhere.  That was this blog for so long.  I don't have a "voice".  I don't have a "brand".  I am not good at coming up with material that will "resonate with my readers".  I just need to write for me.  I have been so focused on wanting to let God use me to speak to others, that I haven't been letting Him speak to ME.  I haven't been quiet and I haven't been listening, because I have been doing all the talking - "What do I say to them Lord?"  And He has been like SHHHH already!

Another area where I am a do-er is I don't like to wait.  For example, if they are doing construction on my regular commute, I would much rather take the longer way home than sit with traffic for ten minutes.  I will still get home at the same time, but I would rather spend that extra ten minutes driving than sitting.  I know I can't be the only one that does that.  So when I think about areas in my life that I want to change, I usually just try and change them, but often forget to pray, or only pray halfheartedly because I am so busy trying to make the change, its almost like prayer is a distraction.  THIS is something that I do not want to let continue.

I want to have a more active prayer life.  Usually I need lists and to-dos.  I need to have a "plan" for everything and what it should look like.  I told myself that I would set the timer on my phone and pray for fifteen minutes every day.  I wanted to make intentional time to pray, and I wanted to eliminate all distractions by setting aside this time. However, I haven't made time like this for over two weeks. I have prayed of course, but not the way that I pictured.  I think sometimes I need to throw out the picture of what "ideal" looks like, and embrace the fact that God hears me if I am in the shower, or in my car, just as easily as if I am having a cup of coffee in the morning while the house is silent.  I need to stop setting so many expectations for myself, and instead I just need let God do some work in my heart.

Over the past few weeks, I have been really asking God to help me grow.  I want to continue to grow deeper in my walk with Him.  I want more intimacy with Christ.  I want to have transparency in my relationships, to enrich them all the more.  I want direction in my passions and to use them to serve His kingdom.  My prayer has been " Lord, I want to bring glory to you and build your kingdom.  I want to embrace my identity as your daughter and love others and serve them well.  I want to know you on a deeper level than ever before."

And I fully believe that when we ask God to help us grow and to make us more like Him, He is all over that.  He meets us where we are, and He brings us into Himself.  I just need to stop letting myself get in the way.  I want a more active prayer life, and I want to stop trying to fit what that looks like into a box of my own making.  I guarantee His box is better.   And I want to read more - I want to finish these four books.  I want to study His word more.  I want to model the relationships that I hope to have with others.  Show love, serve more, stop expecting anything in return.  Jesus' life is the perfect example of this and I want to be more like Him.  I want to trust Him with my life more and more each day.  The more that I trust Him, the more intimate our relationship will be.  And I need to give all these things to God and ask Him to help me do them, because if I try and do it on my own strength they will fizzle out just like the other things that I try and start.

I am not a blogger.

I have never been able to be a blogger.  I wanted to be.  I go through seasons that I blog more than others, but it has never been something that comes naturally to me.  I love to write, and when I was in high school, my journal was my best friend.  But when it comes to regularly sitting at the computer, putting my words on a screen and publishing them for all to see, I just can't commit.  I think that it is for a variety of reasons, one of which is that I can't do something just because everyone else is.  It might intrigue me, it might make me dive in and try it, but if it isn't something meaningful to me on a personal level, I just can't make it a regular habit.

So I gave it up.  I took it off my list of goals on my powersheets.  I stopped feeling that sense of guilt when I wasn't doing what everyone else was.  I didn't try to figure out if I was a lifestyle blogger, or a food blogger, because I am none of those things and just don't care about what my market should be.  I don't have a market.  I am not trying to change your mind, or change the world, I just want to work on me.

So for now, I want to use this space as a place to pour out what I am thinking about or what God is doing in my life, and it doesn't need to be life-changing and there won't be any weekly newsletters.  I don't expect anyone to read it, and I can't promise how often I will post.  I have tried so. many. times.  I think that the reason I fail is because I did it because I thought I should.  Now I am doing it because I want to.  When I want.  How I want.  And sometimes I won't have anything good to say.  That's okay, because I don't expect followers.  I just want to do this for me.

I got a book from the library today called Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin.  It is about habits and how creating them/following them isn't the same for everyone.  It is making me think about myself, and that is where the idea for this post came about.  I want to really dive in to what makes me me, and go ahead and celebrate who I am, rather than concentrating on how I am different or not enough than someone else.  Comparison can be such a trap, and that is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.  I don't want to feel like I don't measure up to someone else, and I also want to concentrate on what makes me unique and not try to copy someone else.  I want to see others as an inspiration, and ask myself what draws me in when I see a post on instagram that I really love, but I don't want to copy it, and I don't want to let it make me feel bad about myself.  I want to use every opportunity to learn something new about myself, and work on being the best version of myself, rather than trying to fit in to the mold of someone else.  So here goes...