for those of you that are still waiting.

If I can be honest, I really am sitting here writing a blog post because I am trying to avoiding vacuuming my house.  However, I really did have something on my heart that I wanted to share.  Its about busyness.  This isn't going to be a post about what to do when you have a million things on your plate, and you can't seem to fit it all in.  There are plenty of wonderful resources to tap into if that is an area you are struggling in.  This is a post for the people like me that are the opposite of busy and are wondering what is wrong with them.  If you are human, you still have lots to do in a day - the house doesn't clean itself, the laundry doesn't just jump on in that washing machine, and you still have mouths to feed, even if it is just your own. This is for the people that see everyone on their instagram feed talking about their mile long to-do lists and the crazy amount of work they need to catch up on, and you are just praying that you will get a job because living on one income has been really tough.  This is for those of you that have had dreams of opening up your own business, but for one reason or another it just hasn't worked out for you.  This is for the person who thought you would go out and make a difference in your community or that great non-profit, but God hasn't opened any doors yet.  This post is for every one of you that feels like you aren't doing enough.

Right now, you are doing exactly what you should be doing.  Really.  If you have prayed for Him to show you your purpose but you still don't have any clear direction from him,  if you have said to God "Make me useful!" but you don't see any doors opening just yet, then you are right where He wants you for right now -  and you just need to be okay with that.  Sometimes we think that making a difference comes in the form of volunteering for a great organization, and instead He wants you to shovel your neighbors steps.  Sometimes we think that having our own business would be what brings glory to God ( and it can!) but right now He wants us to glorify Him as we instead wait patiently for Him to move.

Sister, if you aren't moving mountains or trailblazing a path through the wilderness - take heart! He can use the little things to bring about His kingdom too.  Use this time wisely!  Show up for your kids games and meet your friend for coffee.  Get your husband's shoes out from under the bed and put them in the closet where they belong without complaining that he should have done it in the first place.  Put a love note in your kid's lunchbox. Volunteer in your church's nursery. Go through your old clothes and take them to Goodwill.  These are all small things, but you have no idea what kind of impact they could make in the hands of God.

Let Him teach you His heart while you are in this season. Grow. Learn. Trust.  Take your fill of Him while the days are long and your impact seems small.  You have no idea what is around the next corner, and how He is using this time to prepare you for what is waiting for you just around the bend.

the deal with grace&canvas

I learned so much over the last few months after starting my business and I wanted to share that here.  If you follow along on grace&canvas' instagram, you have probably noticed that it has been pretty quiet on that front.  I found that doing what you love as a business doesn't always mean you will love what you do when you do it for work.  I also became really disheartened when not a single painting sold.  It is hard to push ahead with something when you feel like you have already failed before you started.  I think that there are times when you need to just suck it up and keep going, because hard work can pay off in the long run if you don't give up.  Actually, I think you should always do that.  Except for when you shouldn't.

I spent the last of 2014 and almost all of 2015 wanting to start my own business.  I thought of a hundred ideas and none of them fit.  I found that I loved painting in my free time and got some good feedback on my paintings, so thought I might be able to make that work.  I prayed for a name for weeks but nothing seemed right.  Then, on a weekday afternoon while waiting for my girls to get off the bus, the name grace & canvas just popped in my head.  I know God planted it, because my creativity wasn't coming to my rescue any of the weeks prior.  I dived in and set up a (free) website and waited.  And nothing happened.  It has only been a few months, but with the lack of sales my drive started to lack as well.  The holidays came and that sucked my time and energy.  With each day that went by, I felt like I was failing my little business and so I didn't even have the heart to go post anything at all.  So I just stopped.  Cold turkey.  I had the promise of painting reveals and give-away's, but I didn't do any of that.  I asked God why He allowed me to come up with a name and an idea if it wasn't meant to be?  I really wanted my own business for so long, and now that I had it, I didn't want it anymore.

A friend shared some great words of wisdom with me and instead of paraphrasing her words, I thought I would just add them here:

" I have been listening to a few podcasts lately and in one of them someone (I think it was Elizabeth Gilbert) said that it's not so much about IF we will fail (because failure is an inevitable part of a business and/or creativity) but whether something is worth doing even when we fail. That really spoke to me and I thought I'd share it in case it's helpful for you as well. I think sometimes God asks us to jump in and do something, and what we get out of it is not what we initially expect, but walking the journey with Him shapes us in ways nothing else would."

I learned that wanting to have my own business wasn't wrong, but I also learned that the timing just wasn't right for me right now.  I learned that starting grace&canvas had a purpose, but it wasn't because it was my "big break".  It was because God used it to teach me about patience, and how it needs to be His timing not mine.  He taught me about myself and what I was capable of, and what I really want my time to consist of.  He taught me that He can give me an idea whenever He wants to and that I don't need to search anymore for the right idea.  It will come when it is time, so for now I really want to just sit back and let God teach me some more things.  And I picked up a paint brush today for the first time, and it was really nice to do it just for me.  I didn't put it in the shop (which I am leaving open for now, because, well, free.) so the only place you can see it is at the beginning of this post and where I shared it on instagram.   I named the painting [f r e e d o m ] because I believe in having the freedom to create for the sake of creating, not because it needs to result in anything.  I want to see where God will take me this year, and I just want to go along for the journey.   I know He can open doors for me to do big and wonderful things, but for now I am ready to begin living life for what is, not what could be.

my anti-goals

So I am not sure if anti-goals are really an accurate word to describe these, and it certainly does make this post sound more dramatic than it is meant, but I am talking about things that are the opposite of goals that I had last year.  Things that I thought were important and life-giving, ended up having the opposite effect on me, and this year I want to do the opposite of these goals, they are anti-goals if you will.

Last year I really wanted to become a blogger, but soon realized it wasn't a gift of mine.  At least not at the time.  I already wrote a whole post about this back in October so I won't go over it all again,  I just bring it up as one of the anti-goals for this year.  I want to use my blog to my advantage in 2016, as a sounding board, as a platform for my thoughts, and I don't want to worry if even one person reads it, because quite frankly, no one probably will.  And I want that to be okay.

Another thing that I cared a lot about last year was instagram followers.  I am actually ashamed to admit this, because there is nothing to gain by having one or one thousand followers.  I guess if you have a business (which I kind of do, but that will be discussed in a later post) it is really good to have exposure to build your business.  However, there is all that stuff about target markets and things, and so you could have 4568854332 followers, but if they aren't your target market then you really don't have any advantage to have all those followers.  I have heard it said that having followers on instagram is like monopoly money - what does it really do for you in the long run?  Anyway, it still used to really bother me when I saw the numbers go down.  I am also really ashamed to admit this.  I remember I posted something ( cannot for the life of me remember what it was, but it wasn't anything controversial, and I like to think that I don't post any really crappy pictures) and I noticed like seven people un-followed me within the next few hours.  I asked myself what I might have done wrong and I ruminated on it for the rest of the afternoon.  However, I soon reminded myself of the above truth - that followers don't equal success or that you're cool, or worthy, or anything.  That is not to say that I am not appreciative of my followers, because of course I am.  I love interacting in the comments, and I love to see the likes that certain pictures of mine receive.  I just mean to say that my worth is not defined by how many people follow me on social media.  I am a child of God and THAT defines me.  So another goal for me in 2016 - don't even look at the numbers.  They don't matter.  What matters is that I use social media as another platform to voice the words that God gives me and to share the pictures that I consider beautiful or meaningful or having purpose.  My anti-goal for instagram in 2016 - ignore the numbers.  Post what matters to me.  End of story.

The last anti-goal that I have is something that I plan on writing a separate post about.  However, since it is relevant to this post, I will share a little bit here.  I don't want to worry about having a business this year.  Last year I ate, slept, and breathed ideas for a business that circulated inside my head constantly.  Ideas would come and go, and nothing seemed right until I settled on grace&canvas.  I have learned a lot through this experience, and my biggest take-away is that it is not for me to worry about right now.

So as I similarly shared on a recent instagram post, I want 2016 to be a year of stepping back and evaluating what truly matters and not allowing comparison to be my yardstick, but instead focusing on the things that God places on my heart.  I look forward to sharing more when the time is right and when the words are there, and then when the words don't come and life presses in, silence is perfectly okay.

tools to use when planning your goals

I talked in an earlier post about how I begin when I set goals for the year.  Even though January is already more than halfway over, I thought I would also write a post about the tools that I use as I create and implement my goals throughout the year.  I have used Lara Casey's powersheets for over a year, and I strongly recommend them for anyone who would like help with intentional goal setting.  I use them every month, and they make up the bulk of the resources that I use for setting goals each month.  However, I wanted to go into detail a little more about the other tool that I started using this year, and that is my three-ring printables binder.  I absolutely love free printables because (well, free) but also because I love when I am organized and there are some great resources out there to help with this.

When you create a printables binder, it is of course most helpful to have tools that are specifically geared towards the goals/themes that you want to incorporate into your life this year.  The first section in my binder is a devotional planner.  I wanted to make sure that I spent more time in the word each day this year.  I printed out a monthly calendar here to use as I plan my devotions for the week/month.  Right now I am going through a seven-week devotional that has five days of reading each day, so I planned each week day to consist of reading one section from that devotional.  On Sundays I pick out the scripture that I plan on memorizing for the week (one of my goals this year is to memorize more scripture) and Saturdays are "grace days" where I don't have a specific reading, but pray and journal and write out my verse for the week from memory.

The next four printables that I have in my binder are from Emily Ley's printables library.  There are so many and you should definitely go check out all that she has to offer.  The first one that I am using is the monthly calendar.

 I talked on my instagram about how I use this along with my powersheets to help me keep my goals visible throughout the month as well as help me to be more intentional in carrying out my goals by actually scheduling goals onto the calendar to ensure that they get done instead of just pushing them to the side as each day goes by.  I schedule the monthly one-time goals like date nights or a girls night with friends, and I also schedule the day each month devoted to working on my next month's powersheets.

I use the weekly calendar for the same reason as the monthly calendar (to keep them visible, and to schedule them intentionally into my day) but I schedule the weekly ongoing goals here, such as read a book ( I break down the book into chapters and schedule a certain amount of chapters to read a few times each week) or tend a relationship ( for example, Tuesdays and Thursdays are the day that I have set aside during the month of January to intentional focus on relationships like texting a friend, or sending them a note that I am thinking of them.  This may be too structured for some people I realize, but for me it works because I always know each day what I need to accomplish, so that I can look back at the end of the month and have completed all my goals.  It also helps me by breaking down a large goal into bite-sized chunks ( such as the book example I just mentioned).

Another tool that I included in my printables binder is Emily Ley's health and fitness tracker.  Since I wanted to be more health-focused this year, I included this to plan out my daily workouts and meals, as well as to keep track of the water I drink.  I do use some apps for this as well, but I am still very much a paper person, and I keep this tracker in my planner to refer to as the day goes on.

The last printable from Emily Ley that I included in my binder is her gratitude journal.  I taped one copy to my wall to list them throughout my day/week and it helps to keep it visible to me and not just inside the binder.  When it gets full, I will return it to the binder and put up another one.  Also connected with this is the last printable in my binder from Ann Voskamp which is her joy dare printables where she encourages you to list three gratitudes each day and gives you prompts to help you think of them.

Being such an organized person, I really like having a system when it comes to planning and setting goals, and this just seemed to work for me.  I encourage you to create your own if this sounds like it will be helpful for you, and if you are a creative person, it is always fun to create your own dividers for this project.   If you are not very creative, or love to shop at office supply stores, it is fun to peruse the aisles to look for some fun dividers and a pretty binder to use for your own library.  

charlotte turns six // a birthday celebration

My youngest decided on a My Little Pony party for her birthday this year.  She is especially fond of Rainbow Dash, and any excuse that I have to use color in my decorating, I am on board.  I try really  hard to make their birthdays special, after all they only come around once a year.  Party planning is also one of my love languages - I really come alive when I get to recreate Pinterest finds, or decorate a cake of my own design.

I planned the party for the mid-afternoon so that I didn't have to provide lunch or dinner.  This can get expensive, and it is always hard to have a birthday party so close to Christmas.  I made the cake, some candy-dipped wafers that I discovered on Pinterest and the kids could choose either Sprite or water.  The drinks were offered in clear cups and I had made rainbow ice cubes for the drinks.  They absolutely loved them!

I try to keep their parties short, because attention spans are the same way, and when kids get bored they start exploring your house.  Even the off-limit areas.  They like to jump on couches and they like to look on cabinets.  It also helps to have a fun party activity for them to enjoy, and when you tie this in to the "main event" i.e. cake and ice cream, its even better!  I decided to go with make your own ice cream sundaes.  This was a big hit, and I think each child used a half pound of sprinkles on their ice cream.  When you add hot fudge, caramel topping, maraschino cherries, and whipped cream, you really can't go wrong.  

I also try to minimize cost by only providing a small favor for the guests to take home.  I know my kids love going to parties where they bring home a big bag of stuff, but most of it gets broken, used, or forgotten about in a couple days and I think that a small little gift ends up being more meaningful than a big bag of goodies.  I bought a bag of rainbow Twizzlers and made "Rainbow Dash tails".  I actually didn't even see this on Pinterest, it just came to me as I started to put the bags together.  I love when things like that happen!

I really do love the planning part of a party, especially when there's a fun theme!  However, the best part of any party is if the guests, and especially the birthday girl, enjoy themselves!  I think everyone had a great time!

My January goals

I finished my monthly goals for January, but am a little late in posting them.  We started the new year with a sick kid, and so I am feeling a little behind.  It is all a reminder that January 1st is just a day, and that God's plans are always sovereign over mine.  So here's to a year of trust and truth, of pause and reflection, and of letting Him direct my steps.

Monthly Goals

- Host a fun birthday party for Charlotte

- Call State Farm re: life insurance

- Breakfast date with Forrest

- Have a redbox date with Forrest one night after the kids are in bed

- Have a coffee date with a friend

- Start my personal bucket list - maybe create a pinterest board for it!

- Make a scripture list for the girls to memorize a verse each month

Weekly Goals

- Memorize a new passage of Scripture each week

- Complete a week of "Open Your Bible" study by Raechel Myers and Amanda Bible Williams

- Read one part of Make it Happen book by Lara Casey

- "Tend" a relationship (complete something on my relationship tending page each week)

- Check in on Influence Net one to two times a week

Daily Goals

- Have quiet time with the Lord each morning

- Drink 64 oz of water

- 10k steps

- Count calories for the day ( keep it to 1300 max)

- Workout for 30 minutes (aiming for this at least 3-5x a week)

- Pray with the girls each night before bed ( this would be a good time to go over the scripture for the month as well)

- List at least one gratitude daily ( this usually flows into several!)