to keep seeking Him...

One of the desires of my heart lately has been centered around community.  I have been wanting to be a part of something bigger than myself but have yet to find where I fit in to that.  I really think that part of my longing to begin my own business is to become part of a community of creatives and boss ladies that I so admire and want to learn from.  I see pictures of amazing conferences being posted all the time on Instagram that I would love to attend.  I wish I could network with these wonderful ladies, and yet I don't even have a business yet.  I have been asking the Lord to reveal to me where He wants me to go from here, and I feel like He just remains silent.  Today I was really seeking some answers and I asked Him why He would keep this from me?  Isn't community something that is gospel-centered?  And if we were created to be in community with one another, why haven't you opened any doors, Lord?  And then He spoke.  It was so quiet and yet so unmistakable.  He said to me, "I have designed you to be in relationship.  And yes, that is to be in relationship with others, but first and foremost it is to be in relationship with me.  And while it is not wrong to want to be among like-minded women who want to create and grow and encourage others - it is good, in fact - it is NOT the end goal.  Focusing on finding your niche is the wrong thing to focus on.  FIRST, you need to focus on me.  Keep growing, keep learning, keep your eyes on ME."  Community is such a gift, and it is not wrong to desire it.  But HE is the prize.  He is the first thing I should seek in the morning, and the last thing I should dwell on before I lay my head.  It was the beginning of a much-needed perspective change.  I fully believe that He can and will reveal to me what He has created me to do, and I just as fully believe that He has created within me this desire for a reason.  I just know that right now I need to focus on Him alone and what He wants to teach me.  When the time is right, He will reveal a little more.  So thankful for a God that desires relationship with us, and encourages us to keep seeking Him.

a new season...

So we have entered into a new season here at the Wilson house.  I quit my job last week, for reasons I won't get into here, and I cannot begin to tell you what it feels like to have that weight lifted off of me.  It was such a hard time of waiting and pleading, but the Lord is so faithful.  I am thankful for this new adventure of being home with my girls (for as long as He allows).  I am hopeful for this time to be one of mental, physical, and spiritual refreshment.  I also hope to get back into blogging, but words are elusive lately, and I struggle to catch them and put them here.  Perhaps time will change that.  After all, the goal is progress not perfection, and sometimes the words themselves don't matter as much as the process of being vulnerable and letting them be read.

I am also trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I want to create, to make, to design, to do something, but I am just not sure what that may be.  I have been asking for direction, but He hasn't chosen to reveal it to me just yet.  In the meantime, I dream and hope and pray.  I had a love of cakes, but I no longer find much fulfillment in that.  I still do it from time to time, mostly as a way to give to others, but it is not the joy of my heart.  I just wish I knew what would cause my heart to sing and my days to feel full of purpose.  I am in a time of searching, and I hope it doesn't last too long.

thoughts on prayer...

One of my goals for this year is to be more intentional with my prayer time.  I bought a Prayer Journal by Val Marie Paper which I love, and I had envisioned myself sitting down with a cup of coffee every Saturday morning and pouring my heart out to God in prayer.  I pray every single day, mind you, but during the week that looks like driving to work with the radio off and speaking aloud to God in the quietness of my car.  I wanted my weekends to be different and more focused on Him - not driving, not the clock - just Him.  I have not been as faithful to this time as I would like.  I push it off - one cup of coffee while doing laundry, a second cup while making the grocery list - and before you know it, half the day has gone by and I still haven't prayed.

So I asked myself why is this happening?  Why am I rushing around the house trying to cross off items on my to-do list and not attending to the most important thing - my relationship with God?  It came to me all at once, my very flawed thinking:  I think there is a part of me that feels like prayer is passive.   I have dreams that I want to succeed and tasks that I want to accomplish, and being still in prayer seems counter-intuitive to making things happen.  I have been trying to do, do, do and go, go, go.  But you know what?  If I don't bring it all to Him in prayer, every wish and desire - big or small - than what am I really accomplishing?   John 15:5 says " I am the vine; you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."  Prayer IS action - it is coming before the throne of Jesus and laying it all down at His feet.  The messy and the broken, the hopes and the dreams.  By coming into His presence and seeking out what He has purposed for my life -  that is when action really takes place.  It is where He opens my eyes and opens doors. It is where He prepares my heart, and prepares a way for my dreams to take place.  Seeking Him and His kingdom FIRST and then asking Him to show me what He wants me to do next. THAT is action my friends, and that is the only way we will bear much fruit, or any fruit at all for that matter.  Thank you Jesus that you care about our desires and our dreams, and thank you for inviting us to come to you with all of them, no matter how small.

for such a time as this...

Yesterday I decided to read my first blog.  Sometimes it is nice to just take a trip down memory lane.  I started it six years ago and some of it was quite hilarious.  I really have grown a lot since then - in all the facets of my life - being a mom, a wife, a friend, and my relationship with Jesus.  Although embarrassing to read about some of the things I felt or thought, it was really neat to look back on how God was working in my life then. One thing that really stood out to me while I was reading, was a post that I had written after my devotions on Esther.

Here is the post from 7/26/10:

"When Esther's words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: 'Do not think that because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape.  For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish.  And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?'" Esther 4:12-14

This morning I read these words as part of my devotions.  When I came across this phrase in this passage, it stopped me in my tracks.  How foolish I have been!  Why have I doubted Him for even one moment?  I am not outside the reach of His hand, the orchestrations of His sovereign plan.  This place that I am in at this very moment is ordained by Him that goes before all things and by Whom all things are held together (Col. 1:17).  Lord, help me to trust you though the road often seems dark.  I could walk on water if only I keep my eyes upon You.   Help my gaze not to be swayed by the storms of trying children, hopeless finances, dead-end jobs, or frustrating relationships. 

I do not know what God has planned for me, but I DO know that I am here in this place to learn, to grow, to help others, and ultimately to become the woman God desires me to be. If I could learn the lessons He wants to teach me in a different place or in a different way I would BE in that place. But I am here. For such a time as this. I pray that I make the most of it.


It was so weird to read this and to feel like my past self was stretching across the years and hitting my present self over the head and saying "You keep forgetting this!!! Stop forgetting this!!"  Because I have been forgetting this.  Each day I am faced with the choice of choosing contentment in where I am and who I am, or feeling like I am missing out on something I am supposed to be doing, or the person I am supposed to be.  And you know what? Even though I am not that same girl that wrote this almost five years ago, I am still finding it so difficult to choose contentment and gratitude over discontentment and longing.  But the above still holds true - if I could learn the lessons He wants to teach me in a different place or in a different way, I would BE in that place.  He doesn't make mistakes, I am not forgotten.  He chose me when I was five years old, and He still chooses me every single day that has passed since then.  And so I am left with my own choice - do I keep striving to be someone I am not, and make myself unhappy by focusing on all the things that I do not have?  Or do I choose to follow my Savior down any road that He leads me, trusting the outcome of my life to Him?  I look back on all that I have learned over the past five years - so much that He has taught me! And He has never failed me, not once!  I don't know where I will be another five years from now, what roads I will have walked, but I do know that I will be right where I am supposed to be.  And that, my friends, is a good place to be.

dreams on fire and standing still

Hi, I’m Meghan.   I love sunshine, fresh notebooks, coffee, and Jesus.  I could think of a list a mile wide of the things that I love and the things that I don’t, places I've been, and places I want to go, things I am passionate about and things that I just enjoy watching others be passionate about.  But is this list really who I am?  Am I the sum total of all of the above?  Every time I try to define who I am, I feel like something is missing.  I feel like the greatest part of me just hasn't been discovered yet.  Well, the greatest part, hands down, is that I am a daughter of the King and that wins every time.  But I still feel like there is so much that I am capable of doing.

There are women that God has brought into my life, both in person and through social media, who have really inspired and encouraged me.  I love what they are doing for Jesus.  Their words are often a breath of fresh air to my soul.  It’s like God has picked them special just for me.   They share truths that I need to hear, when I need to hear it.  I am so inspired by how he is using them and I want to be willing to let him use me too.  I feel like God has instilled in me this great desire to go and do mighty things for Him, and to make a life out of pointing others to Jesus.  I just don’t know how He wants me to do it.  I just don’t see how it is all going to play out.

I just finished reading a book called Love Does by Bob Goff.  It is really an amazing book and I highly recommend it.  Bob shares a story in his book about his dream to get into law school and then says “I've always wondered if, when we want to do something that we know is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him.” It was very motivating for me and I felt so ready to just jump in to whatever God has planned for me – right now!  Only I don’t know what that is.  So I asked God – am I missing something?  Do you not want to use me?  Why do I have these dreams on fire in my soul if there is no place that I can let them burn for you?  At the end of the book Bob writes, “you weren't just an incredible idea that God never got around to making.”  This really resonated with me because I guess I have been feeling like what if this is the case?  What if this fire I feel lit inside of me just smolders and goes out?  Or what if I am just looking in the wrong place?  What if I have been standing on my tip toes looking out into the future plan of my life and yelling so loudly “What is it God?! How will you use me?!” that I am missing his quiet voice telling me that it is already right here.  This place that I already am.  This job that I drag my feet to every day.  This season of waiting and monotony and routine.  Is it here that he wants to use me?  Maybe He doesn't want me to hop on a plane to help in Uganda, maybe he wants me to help my neighbors next door.  Maybe He isn't calling me to become a national women’s speaker to travel all over and share His truth, maybe He just wants me to share His truth right here –  to you.  Maybe He isn't calling me to pursue my dream of being a small business owner right now, but wants me to get in my car each day and go to the job that He has chosen for me to be in because He has plans for me here right now.  

One of the women that I already mentioned before, Ashley shared this verse today and it hit home for me: "And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not."  -Deuteronomy 8:2   I thinking that maybe right now He wants me to be faithful to Him in the standing still because He can see so much more than me.  He has heaven’s view and I have tunnel vision.  

finding purpose along the road

This morning the She Reads Truth devotional was on John 9:1-41.  In this passage, Jesus and his disciples encounter a blind man who had been blind since birth.  The disciples asked Jesus who it was that had sinned - him or his parents?  Jesus answered "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."  This verse caught my breath and I started thinking once again about the purpose He might have for me.

This man had been blind since birth.  He never saw a beautiful sunset painted on the canvas of the horizon, could only feel the warmth of the sun on his face.  He would walk along a dusty road and never notice the beautiful flowers or plants that God had made.  He knew no colors, only shapes and textures.  A lot of the beauty of this creation was lost on him. He could not work - sitting on the side of the road begging was all he was known for.  Even his parents were distant.  It says in verses 21-23 that his parents were afraid to testify about Jesus being God because they were afraid to be put out of synagogue.  When the Jews questioned them on who healed their son, rather than standing up for their son and backing up his story, they put the questioning back on him.  "He is of age", they said, "ask him".  I am sure this man often questioned his purpose here on this earth each day he sat lonely on the side of the road - probably felt he had none at all.

But God.  He showed this man his purpose and it came in the form of mud and spit.  And then he had sight!    His life was changed in a moment!  An encounter with Jesus does that.  It is easy to find ourselves feeling discouraged and wondering why we are sitting on the side of the road in life, when we wish we could be doing something more.  But even then, God has a purpose for us.  We do not know when or how it will be revealed, but know this - He knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and you can bet that it will be something amazing, because when God's works are displayed in our lives, they cannot be anything short of amazing!  God used this sinful beggar to testify in front of the Jews that Jesus was from God.  He uses us too.  When we go to work, when we stay home with our kids, when we do the day-to-day seemingly purposeless things that God has called us to do with a joyful heart- He uses us.   When we trust in His plan and let Him be displayed in our lives, He uses us.  The day we met Jesus our lives were forever changed! So I will keep getting up each morning and trust that He has me right where He wants me, even if I can't see the purpose in it just now.  And I want to be ready for the day that he slaps some mud on my eyes and says "This! This is the plan I have for your life - go and do this!"

welcome 2015!

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been thinking a lot about my themes for 2015. I wanted to share the five that I want to invite into my life for this year.  I really believe that these are themes that He wants me to focus on over the next 12 months (and beyond) and I want my goals for the next year to flow out of them.

THEME #1 - Trust Him fully

I want to trust Him more every day, allowing the Spirit to lead me where He would have me go. I want to trust that He will provide, that He will sustain, and that He will hem me in behind and before.( Psalms 139:5)

THEME #2 - Keep my eyes on Jesus

photo credit - shereadstruth.com

I want to keep my eyes on Jesus, each day looking to build His kingdom, not my own.  I want to go through each day with eternity as my focus - my purpose lies at the foot of the cross and that is where my past can be laid down, and my future can be found.

I plan on continuing to spend time in His word each day because that is how I can grow and learn more about what it means to be like Jesus.  I have found such encouragement and blessing in the SRT community, and I encourage you to check out www.shereadstruth.com if you haven't already!

 THEME #3: Grace upon grace

Grace. What an amazing gift!  Deserved by none, and yet so freely given by our Father.  This year I want to fully accept the grace that is mine through Jesus and let it be enough.  All my broken and messy places are nothing compared to the grace that has been given to me.  I am such a perfectionist, but I want to let that go.   I want to be who I am in Christ - imperfect but redeemed.  He is MORE than enough!  I want to remember to give myself grace when my goals go unmet or my plans seem to fail.  I want to let His grace wash over me when I don't love like I should, or act like I should.  It's about looking to Jesus and starting over in Christ - NOT feeling like a failure.

THEME #4: Nothing is impossible with God

This year I dare to dream God-sized dreams and then watch what He does.  I believe that even if my dreams aren't realized in the way that I anticipated or hoped for, that He will do even better, and that my life will forever be changed.  I want to let God be God, and watch him work in my life however He chooses. 

THEME #5: Love one another earnestly

I want to love my family more deeply and whole-heartedly.  He has given me such blessings in my husband and two little girls. I want to put them before myself and love them as Jesus loves.  I want to think about what it means to love earnestly!  I want to devote more time to them and say Yes! to them even when it means saying no to something else that I might want to do.  Thank you Jesus for these three dear people. and please help me to love them well!

All of these pictures are on my 2015 vision board on Pinterest, and you are welcome to pin them to your own vision board if you would like!