on time and loving well

All we have to decide 

is what to do with the time 

that is given to us.

-Gandalf

Something that I have been given a lot of lately, that I have never really felt like I had much of before, is time.  I am currently looking for work outside the home, and haven't found the right thing for me and my family yet.  So while the kids are at school, I have been able to choose what I do (for the most part).  Now of course there are all the daily/weekly chores like laundry, vacuuming, and dishes that take up part of this time, but the rest?  What have I been up to?

For one thing, I have started a new business.  Its called grace&canvas, and you can find it on facebook , instagram and my shop site.   I have been working on the social media side of  things like promoting and building followers, and I have been praying a LOT about what He wants me to do with my business, and what my vision and core values are.

Another thing that I have been choosing to do with my time is loving others.  It may sound simple, but there are so many different relationships that we have and each one needs something different.  You don't love your husband the way you love your children, and you have a different relationship with your best friend than your neighbor.  How do you do this well, when there are so many different things vying for your time and attention?

For one thing, I have started to say yes to things that I used to have to say no to.  I have more availability to help watch my friend's child, or to meet up for coffee, or to help my mom by letting her dogs out while she is at work all day.  I think of it as doing for others what I needed others to do for me when I was working.

Another area that I am working on improving in my quest to love well is acting on something rather than adding it to the to-do list.  For example, I might have said "Oh, I really need to text so and so, and see how she is doing.  Maybe meet her for coffee sometime.." and then I would forget about it for two or three days and say the same thing all over again.  Now, I just pick up that phone and send that text.  Right now.  And say "Will one day next week work for you to get coffee?? I am free any day but Wednesday."  And then it is not something that I keep putting off or forgetting about.  It is done.

I have been trying to be more intentional about how I view my relationships.  I am trying to look for ways to encourage others, or to seek them out more than I did before.  For example, I might make some apple crisp to bring over to my neighbors, rather than just saying hi to them when we cross paths.  If I see my phone sitting on the desk in between trips to the laundry room,  I might pick it up and send an "I love you" text to my husband before I dive into folding the next basket.  Just these small but intentional gestures not only help others to feel loved, but also help me to keep my heart and mind focused on how to love well.

Whether you work outside the home or stay home, we can all learn to love others well.  Maybe you can't offer to watch your friend's child while she has an appointment to get her wisdom teeth out, because you have to work that day, but you can send her a text on your lunch break to say that you are thinking of her and hope that she isn't in too much pain as she recovers.  Maybe you can't meet up for coffee with your friends as much as you would like, because you are home with three kids under three.  Maybe you write her a card once the kids have gone to sleep to tell her how much you appreciate her friendship, and pop it in the mail.  I think hand-written notes are a great way to love others well - especially these days.

I am not sure what things will look like for me a month, two months, six months from now as far as the amount of free time I have, but I am trying to make the most of THIS time and THIS season to learn how I can love others well, and how I can encourage others that may not be in a great season themselves.

growth.

I have been thinking a lot about myself and how I am wired.  I am a do-er.  If I have an idea for something, I will go out and do it, perhaps even before I have thought it all through.  It will then sit there, unfinished, because I am also someone who has a hard time finishing things.  Not everything mind you.  I finish books.  Well ignore the four books that have been started and then discarded on my nightstand.  I will get to those eventually.  Okay, maybe it is a lot of things.  Why do I start things and then cannot finish them?  Sometimes I lose the fire that I had in the beginning.  Sometimes I lose sight of my vision, and can no longer see the end result, so I just quit.  Sometimes ( and most often with my recent undertakings) I over-think them, and decided that my idea isn't good enough, that no one would read it, and I just choose not to work hard at something that won't go anywhere.  That was this blog for so long.  I don't have a "voice".  I don't have a "brand".  I am not good at coming up with material that will "resonate with my readers".  I just need to write for me.  I have been so focused on wanting to let God use me to speak to others, that I haven't been letting Him speak to ME.  I haven't been quiet and I haven't been listening, because I have been doing all the talking - "What do I say to them Lord?"  And He has been like SHHHH already!

Another area where I am a do-er is I don't like to wait.  For example, if they are doing construction on my regular commute, I would much rather take the longer way home than sit with traffic for ten minutes.  I will still get home at the same time, but I would rather spend that extra ten minutes driving than sitting.  I know I can't be the only one that does that.  So when I think about areas in my life that I want to change, I usually just try and change them, but often forget to pray, or only pray halfheartedly because I am so busy trying to make the change, its almost like prayer is a distraction.  THIS is something that I do not want to let continue.

I want to have a more active prayer life.  Usually I need lists and to-dos.  I need to have a "plan" for everything and what it should look like.  I told myself that I would set the timer on my phone and pray for fifteen minutes every day.  I wanted to make intentional time to pray, and I wanted to eliminate all distractions by setting aside this time. However, I haven't made time like this for over two weeks. I have prayed of course, but not the way that I pictured.  I think sometimes I need to throw out the picture of what "ideal" looks like, and embrace the fact that God hears me if I am in the shower, or in my car, just as easily as if I am having a cup of coffee in the morning while the house is silent.  I need to stop setting so many expectations for myself, and instead I just need let God do some work in my heart.

Over the past few weeks, I have been really asking God to help me grow.  I want to continue to grow deeper in my walk with Him.  I want more intimacy with Christ.  I want to have transparency in my relationships, to enrich them all the more.  I want direction in my passions and to use them to serve His kingdom.  My prayer has been " Lord, I want to bring glory to you and build your kingdom.  I want to embrace my identity as your daughter and love others and serve them well.  I want to know you on a deeper level than ever before."

And I fully believe that when we ask God to help us grow and to make us more like Him, He is all over that.  He meets us where we are, and He brings us into Himself.  I just need to stop letting myself get in the way.  I want a more active prayer life, and I want to stop trying to fit what that looks like into a box of my own making.  I guarantee His box is better.   And I want to read more - I want to finish these four books.  I want to study His word more.  I want to model the relationships that I hope to have with others.  Show love, serve more, stop expecting anything in return.  Jesus' life is the perfect example of this and I want to be more like Him.  I want to trust Him with my life more and more each day.  The more that I trust Him, the more intimate our relationship will be.  And I need to give all these things to God and ask Him to help me do them, because if I try and do it on my own strength they will fizzle out just like the other things that I try and start.

I am not a blogger.

I have never been able to be a blogger.  I wanted to be.  I go through seasons that I blog more than others, but it has never been something that comes naturally to me.  I love to write, and when I was in high school, my journal was my best friend.  But when it comes to regularly sitting at the computer, putting my words on a screen and publishing them for all to see, I just can't commit.  I think that it is for a variety of reasons, one of which is that I can't do something just because everyone else is.  It might intrigue me, it might make me dive in and try it, but if it isn't something meaningful to me on a personal level, I just can't make it a regular habit.

So I gave it up.  I took it off my list of goals on my powersheets.  I stopped feeling that sense of guilt when I wasn't doing what everyone else was.  I didn't try to figure out if I was a lifestyle blogger, or a food blogger, because I am none of those things and just don't care about what my market should be.  I don't have a market.  I am not trying to change your mind, or change the world, I just want to work on me.

So for now, I want to use this space as a place to pour out what I am thinking about or what God is doing in my life, and it doesn't need to be life-changing and there won't be any weekly newsletters.  I don't expect anyone to read it, and I can't promise how often I will post.  I have tried so. many. times.  I think that the reason I fail is because I did it because I thought I should.  Now I am doing it because I want to.  When I want.  How I want.  And sometimes I won't have anything good to say.  That's okay, because I don't expect followers.  I just want to do this for me.

I got a book from the library today called Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin.  It is about habits and how creating them/following them isn't the same for everyone.  It is making me think about myself, and that is where the idea for this post came about.  I want to really dive in to what makes me me, and go ahead and celebrate who I am, rather than concentrating on how I am different or not enough than someone else.  Comparison can be such a trap, and that is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.  I don't want to feel like I don't measure up to someone else, and I also want to concentrate on what makes me unique and not try to copy someone else.  I want to see others as an inspiration, and ask myself what draws me in when I see a post on instagram that I really love, but I don't want to copy it, and I don't want to let it make me feel bad about myself.  I want to use every opportunity to learn something new about myself, and work on being the best version of myself, rather than trying to fit in to the mold of someone else.  So here goes...

I finally joined the influence network

So I will keep this short and sweet.  I have been wanting to become part of this community forEVER and finally took the plunge!

I am so excited to connect with other women to encourage and inspire each other! I do believe that God gives each of us the gifts, abilities, opportunities to influence others RIGHT WHERE WE ARE.  If you have been following along for a while, or know me at all, you know that I have such a heart to be used by God, but still don't know what that looks like yet.  I am excited to learn from this community and to really seek out what God wants me to do right here and now.  If this sounds like something that you would benefit from and you would like to check it out, go to:: The Influence Network

((h e a l t h y)) zucchini bread

My friend gave me a large zucchini from her garden last week and I hadn't gotten around to making anything with it.  And then today I had a great idea - zucchini bread!  It is the perfect end of summer bread - fresh from the farm zucchini with a hint of cinnamon that promises autumn on its way.  If you are feeling like a yummy treat without the guilt, here is a great recipe for you to try!

(( h e a l t h y)) zucchini bread

MAKES TWO LOAVES

1 cup vanilla greek yogurt

2 large eggs

1 small ripe banana (mashed)

2/3 cups. vegetable oil

4 tablespoons honey

3 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup light brown sugar

1 and 1/2 cups white flour

1 and 1/2 cups wheat flour

2 tablespoons ground flax seed

2 teaspoons baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons cinnamon

2 cups shredded zucchini ( pressed between paper towels to dry a bit)

((optional)) chocolate chips/walnuts

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Preheat oven to 325 and grease two loaf pans.

2. Combine first six ingredients in a large bowl, stirring well to combine.

3. In a separate bowl, combine sugar, flours, flax seed, baking soda, salt and cinnamon and mix well.

4. Add dry ingredients into wet ingredients, stirring just until moistened.  Add in zucchini and stir.

5.  ((optional)) add in nuts or chocolate chips.  I just sprinkled some chocolate chips on top of mine to give it a bit of the flavor without the extra calories.

6. Bake for about 40 minutes - until a toothpick comes out clean.

This recipe is so easy and I love how great my kitchen smells while it is baking! I hope you enjoy this recipe!!

my summer faves...

I can't believe how quickly the summer has flown by! It's hard to believe the girls will be going to school in a little over a month! Summer is my favorite time of year and I will be sad to see it go.  I decided to put together a little post on some of my favorite things from this summer so far.  

1.  My fitbit Flex.

I am definitely a goal oriented person, and you give me something to work towards, and I will go after it until I get there.  My favorite thing about the fitbit is that it syncs to your phone and you can use their free app to keep track of your steps, log calories or water intake, track exercise and sleep, and keep an eye on how much distance you have covered and how many active minutes you have had throughout the day.  One of my daily goals is to get the recommended goal of 10,000 steps per day.  I don't always achieve it (especially on rainy days that I am stuck inside), but it gives me something to aspire to each day.  It has definitely given me a different mindset when it comes to being active, and I will take the stairs rather than the elevator, or go down to the basement to get something for the millionth time that day rather than ask my husband if he will graciously do it (he enjoys this about the fitbit as well).  

2.  Working out daily.

Oh how I have loved this.  Now that I am home during the day with my girls, I have been able to make working out a priority and I have done it for eight weeks now! I am on my last week of the 21 day fix, and then I will start Jillian Michael's Bodyshred.  I am both excited and nervous for this!  It has been so great to see the change not only in my physical appearance, but in my energy and my confidence as well.  I am eating clean as much as I can, and tracking my calories daily.  I do this to keep a log of my choices and to see how quickly it adds up, but I am not doing it just to lose weight.  I would like to lose a pound or two, but mostly I want to make sure I am not choosing things with empty calories, but with nutrients that will fuel my body for the day.  I appreciate my body's hard work and I don't want to undo my workouts in the kitchen!

3.  Going on adventures.

I promised myself that if it was a sunny day, the girls and I would go out and enjoy it, at least for a little while.  I tend to save all my cleaning/laundry/vacuuming for rainy days so that the other days we can go to the beach or  hike a mountain.  We have gone to Storyland and we have made ice cream at a nearby farm, we have planted flowers in our front garden and have gone strawberry picking.  The summer is going to end eventually, and when it does, I want to feel like we made the most of it.  On those rainy days, I let the girls play on the computer or watch dvds more than I normally would, but if it is a nice day - forget it! I want them to enjoy the lazy days of summer and get the rest that they need, but I also want to make sure they are being active and enjoying the lovely sunshine!

4.  Upping my water game.

I have been really trying to stay hydrated and encouraging the girls to do the same.  Sometimes plain water is, well, plain.  I cut up a small lemon and lime and put them in a large mason jar and I drink it throughout the day.  This gets harder when we are on the go, but I am trying to be more intentional about it, and I can tell when I haven't had enough!  The fitbit app helps you keep track of how much water you have had, and so I use that to help me as I try to reach my goal of 64 oz a day!

5.  KIND bars:: My go-to snack.

One of my favorite snacks to grab and throw in my beach bag are KIND bars.  They are so good, and I feel like they are pretty good for you for the most part.  I don't have these every day, but they are super tasty and perfect after a run or while at the beach. 

6.  Protein Shakes.

Most mornings I will make a smoothie with frozen fruit and almond milk, but sometimes there is not enough time for this.  I love that on busy days I can just grab one of these protein shakes and a banana, and walk out the door.  Summer has been busy, (and not just to hurry and get a good spot at the beach!) ;)  We have had a few early mornings for appointments or swim lessons, and this makes my morning a lot simpler!  I have tried a few different kinds, but the milk chocolate one by Level Life is my favorite by far!  It takes delicious and I promise I feel full until lunch.  

7.  Justin's Maple Almond Butter.

I have fallen in love with almond butter.  My favorite is the maple, but I like Justin's Honey one too.  ( I haven't tried the vanilla, but I think I will next time).  I have found that PB&J's are great lunches for the beach, although in my case I guess it is an AB&J.  I pair it with my homemade strawberry basil jam, or sometimes I will put a teaspoon or two of organic raw honey.  So good and super easy for throwing in the beach cooler.

8.  Coconut water.

I only tried coconut water once before, and it was the plain/original.  I didn't like it, and so I swore off all coconut water for years.  I decided to give it another shot, and I bought a four-pack of it.  Still did not like it.  However, I saw some flavored ones and figured I should at least try them before I decided coconut water wasn't for me.  I went with the pineapple. So. Good.  I love it. Don't worry, the original coconut waters didn't get wasted.  I have found that they are just fabulous poured over ice and mixed with some Malibu.  Yep, just saying.

9.  Pretty pineapple background:: thewonderforest

I found this on www.thewonderforest.com and fell in love.  They have a strawberry and watermelon one too, but this is the one I like best.  It is on my phone and on my laptop.  It totally feels like summer to me, and it is so fun.  Definitely one of my summer faves.

10.  My powersheets:: Keeping them visible

I have been using Lara Casey's powersheets since January and I absolutely love them.  One of the things that I just started doing, was keeping my goals, my vision board, and the list of what fires me up visible.  I actually re-wrote my goals (they stayed the same), re-did my vision board (decided to use pictures rather than words) and expanded the list of what fires me up ( I added a LOT more. ) before putting them on the wall, and I really love waking up to this each morning.  I might re-do my vision board seasonally because I want it to capture where I see myself going over the next few months and that changes with the seasons  (flowers and the beach in summer, apples and beautiful leaves in the fall, etc).

All in all, I want my summer to be one that I look back on and cherish and feel like we made the most of every day.  I am totally loving it, and never want it to end!  

fresh from the oven :: raspberry - lemon zest buttermilk muffins

I love raspberries.  They are my favorite fruit of all time, and I haven't met anything raspberry I didn't love.  Except poptarts.  I do not like raspberry poptarts, but since those aren't real fruit, I don't think that counts.  When we moved into our house five years ago, one of the best things that I discovered was several raspberry bushes out in the backyard.   My husband and I trimmed down the dying branches earlier this spring, and took out a lot of the weeds that made picking difficult in years past.  As a result, we have a lot of bright red, juicy berries ready for the picking, and I am in love.

I decided to make some raspberry muffins because my oldest daughter loves raspberries almost as much as I do, and she also loves muffins for breakfast.  I went online to find a great recipe, and then tweaked it a little because I love the taste of lemon with raspberry, so I wanted to add some zest.  You can find the original here.  I only added a couple ingredients, but I think they made all the difference.  Here is my recipe - I hope you enjoy it!

RASPBERRY-LEMON ZEST BUTTERMILK MUFFINS

makes approx 15 standard sized muffins

2 cups flour

1/2 cup sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

zest from one small lemon

6 tablespoons butter, cut into chunks

1 egg, beaten

1 cup buttermilk

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup fresh raspberries

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and grease muffin tins.

2. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and zest into large mixing bowl.

3. Cut in butter, using two forks or your fingers, until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.

4. Add egg, buttermilk, and vanilla and mix just until moistened.

5. Gently fold berries into the mixture.

6. Bake for 18-20 minutes until golden brown.  Cool slightly and enjoy warm with butter ( the best!)