I am not a blogger.

I have never been able to be a blogger.  I wanted to be.  I go through seasons that I blog more than others, but it has never been something that comes naturally to me.  I love to write, and when I was in high school, my journal was my best friend.  But when it comes to regularly sitting at the computer, putting my words on a screen and publishing them for all to see, I just can't commit.  I think that it is for a variety of reasons, one of which is that I can't do something just because everyone else is.  It might intrigue me, it might make me dive in and try it, but if it isn't something meaningful to me on a personal level, I just can't make it a regular habit.

So I gave it up.  I took it off my list of goals on my powersheets.  I stopped feeling that sense of guilt when I wasn't doing what everyone else was.  I didn't try to figure out if I was a lifestyle blogger, or a food blogger, because I am none of those things and just don't care about what my market should be.  I don't have a market.  I am not trying to change your mind, or change the world, I just want to work on me.

So for now, I want to use this space as a place to pour out what I am thinking about or what God is doing in my life, and it doesn't need to be life-changing and there won't be any weekly newsletters.  I don't expect anyone to read it, and I can't promise how often I will post.  I have tried so. many. times.  I think that the reason I fail is because I did it because I thought I should.  Now I am doing it because I want to.  When I want.  How I want.  And sometimes I won't have anything good to say.  That's okay, because I don't expect followers.  I just want to do this for me.

I got a book from the library today called Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin.  It is about habits and how creating them/following them isn't the same for everyone.  It is making me think about myself, and that is where the idea for this post came about.  I want to really dive in to what makes me me, and go ahead and celebrate who I am, rather than concentrating on how I am different or not enough than someone else.  Comparison can be such a trap, and that is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.  I don't want to feel like I don't measure up to someone else, and I also want to concentrate on what makes me unique and not try to copy someone else.  I want to see others as an inspiration, and ask myself what draws me in when I see a post on instagram that I really love, but I don't want to copy it, and I don't want to let it make me feel bad about myself.  I want to use every opportunity to learn something new about myself, and work on being the best version of myself, rather than trying to fit in to the mold of someone else.  So here goes...

I finally joined the influence network

So I will keep this short and sweet.  I have been wanting to become part of this community forEVER and finally took the plunge!

I am so excited to connect with other women to encourage and inspire each other! I do believe that God gives each of us the gifts, abilities, opportunities to influence others RIGHT WHERE WE ARE.  If you have been following along for a while, or know me at all, you know that I have such a heart to be used by God, but still don't know what that looks like yet.  I am excited to learn from this community and to really seek out what God wants me to do right here and now.  If this sounds like something that you would benefit from and you would like to check it out, go to:: The Influence Network

((h e a l t h y)) zucchini bread

My friend gave me a large zucchini from her garden last week and I hadn't gotten around to making anything with it.  And then today I had a great idea - zucchini bread!  It is the perfect end of summer bread - fresh from the farm zucchini with a hint of cinnamon that promises autumn on its way.  If you are feeling like a yummy treat without the guilt, here is a great recipe for you to try!

(( h e a l t h y)) zucchini bread

MAKES TWO LOAVES

1 cup vanilla greek yogurt

2 large eggs

1 small ripe banana (mashed)

2/3 cups. vegetable oil

4 tablespoons honey

3 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 cup light brown sugar

1 and 1/2 cups white flour

1 and 1/2 cups wheat flour

2 tablespoons ground flax seed

2 teaspoons baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons cinnamon

2 cups shredded zucchini ( pressed between paper towels to dry a bit)

((optional)) chocolate chips/walnuts

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1. Preheat oven to 325 and grease two loaf pans.

2. Combine first six ingredients in a large bowl, stirring well to combine.

3. In a separate bowl, combine sugar, flours, flax seed, baking soda, salt and cinnamon and mix well.

4. Add dry ingredients into wet ingredients, stirring just until moistened.  Add in zucchini and stir.

5.  ((optional)) add in nuts or chocolate chips.  I just sprinkled some chocolate chips on top of mine to give it a bit of the flavor without the extra calories.

6. Bake for about 40 minutes - until a toothpick comes out clean.

This recipe is so easy and I love how great my kitchen smells while it is baking! I hope you enjoy this recipe!!

my summer faves...

I can't believe how quickly the summer has flown by! It's hard to believe the girls will be going to school in a little over a month! Summer is my favorite time of year and I will be sad to see it go.  I decided to put together a little post on some of my favorite things from this summer so far.  

1.  My fitbit Flex.

I am definitely a goal oriented person, and you give me something to work towards, and I will go after it until I get there.  My favorite thing about the fitbit is that it syncs to your phone and you can use their free app to keep track of your steps, log calories or water intake, track exercise and sleep, and keep an eye on how much distance you have covered and how many active minutes you have had throughout the day.  One of my daily goals is to get the recommended goal of 10,000 steps per day.  I don't always achieve it (especially on rainy days that I am stuck inside), but it gives me something to aspire to each day.  It has definitely given me a different mindset when it comes to being active, and I will take the stairs rather than the elevator, or go down to the basement to get something for the millionth time that day rather than ask my husband if he will graciously do it (he enjoys this about the fitbit as well).  

2.  Working out daily.

Oh how I have loved this.  Now that I am home during the day with my girls, I have been able to make working out a priority and I have done it for eight weeks now! I am on my last week of the 21 day fix, and then I will start Jillian Michael's Bodyshred.  I am both excited and nervous for this!  It has been so great to see the change not only in my physical appearance, but in my energy and my confidence as well.  I am eating clean as much as I can, and tracking my calories daily.  I do this to keep a log of my choices and to see how quickly it adds up, but I am not doing it just to lose weight.  I would like to lose a pound or two, but mostly I want to make sure I am not choosing things with empty calories, but with nutrients that will fuel my body for the day.  I appreciate my body's hard work and I don't want to undo my workouts in the kitchen!

3.  Going on adventures.

I promised myself that if it was a sunny day, the girls and I would go out and enjoy it, at least for a little while.  I tend to save all my cleaning/laundry/vacuuming for rainy days so that the other days we can go to the beach or  hike a mountain.  We have gone to Storyland and we have made ice cream at a nearby farm, we have planted flowers in our front garden and have gone strawberry picking.  The summer is going to end eventually, and when it does, I want to feel like we made the most of it.  On those rainy days, I let the girls play on the computer or watch dvds more than I normally would, but if it is a nice day - forget it! I want them to enjoy the lazy days of summer and get the rest that they need, but I also want to make sure they are being active and enjoying the lovely sunshine!

4.  Upping my water game.

I have been really trying to stay hydrated and encouraging the girls to do the same.  Sometimes plain water is, well, plain.  I cut up a small lemon and lime and put them in a large mason jar and I drink it throughout the day.  This gets harder when we are on the go, but I am trying to be more intentional about it, and I can tell when I haven't had enough!  The fitbit app helps you keep track of how much water you have had, and so I use that to help me as I try to reach my goal of 64 oz a day!

5.  KIND bars:: My go-to snack.

One of my favorite snacks to grab and throw in my beach bag are KIND bars.  They are so good, and I feel like they are pretty good for you for the most part.  I don't have these every day, but they are super tasty and perfect after a run or while at the beach. 

6.  Protein Shakes.

Most mornings I will make a smoothie with frozen fruit and almond milk, but sometimes there is not enough time for this.  I love that on busy days I can just grab one of these protein shakes and a banana, and walk out the door.  Summer has been busy, (and not just to hurry and get a good spot at the beach!) ;)  We have had a few early mornings for appointments or swim lessons, and this makes my morning a lot simpler!  I have tried a few different kinds, but the milk chocolate one by Level Life is my favorite by far!  It takes delicious and I promise I feel full until lunch.  

7.  Justin's Maple Almond Butter.

I have fallen in love with almond butter.  My favorite is the maple, but I like Justin's Honey one too.  ( I haven't tried the vanilla, but I think I will next time).  I have found that PB&J's are great lunches for the beach, although in my case I guess it is an AB&J.  I pair it with my homemade strawberry basil jam, or sometimes I will put a teaspoon or two of organic raw honey.  So good and super easy for throwing in the beach cooler.

8.  Coconut water.

I only tried coconut water once before, and it was the plain/original.  I didn't like it, and so I swore off all coconut water for years.  I decided to give it another shot, and I bought a four-pack of it.  Still did not like it.  However, I saw some flavored ones and figured I should at least try them before I decided coconut water wasn't for me.  I went with the pineapple. So. Good.  I love it. Don't worry, the original coconut waters didn't get wasted.  I have found that they are just fabulous poured over ice and mixed with some Malibu.  Yep, just saying.

9.  Pretty pineapple background:: thewonderforest

I found this on www.thewonderforest.com and fell in love.  They have a strawberry and watermelon one too, but this is the one I like best.  It is on my phone and on my laptop.  It totally feels like summer to me, and it is so fun.  Definitely one of my summer faves.

10.  My powersheets:: Keeping them visible

I have been using Lara Casey's powersheets since January and I absolutely love them.  One of the things that I just started doing, was keeping my goals, my vision board, and the list of what fires me up visible.  I actually re-wrote my goals (they stayed the same), re-did my vision board (decided to use pictures rather than words) and expanded the list of what fires me up ( I added a LOT more. ) before putting them on the wall, and I really love waking up to this each morning.  I might re-do my vision board seasonally because I want it to capture where I see myself going over the next few months and that changes with the seasons  (flowers and the beach in summer, apples and beautiful leaves in the fall, etc).

All in all, I want my summer to be one that I look back on and cherish and feel like we made the most of every day.  I am totally loving it, and never want it to end!  

fresh from the oven :: raspberry - lemon zest buttermilk muffins

I love raspberries.  They are my favorite fruit of all time, and I haven't met anything raspberry I didn't love.  Except poptarts.  I do not like raspberry poptarts, but since those aren't real fruit, I don't think that counts.  When we moved into our house five years ago, one of the best things that I discovered was several raspberry bushes out in the backyard.   My husband and I trimmed down the dying branches earlier this spring, and took out a lot of the weeds that made picking difficult in years past.  As a result, we have a lot of bright red, juicy berries ready for the picking, and I am in love.

I decided to make some raspberry muffins because my oldest daughter loves raspberries almost as much as I do, and she also loves muffins for breakfast.  I went online to find a great recipe, and then tweaked it a little because I love the taste of lemon with raspberry, so I wanted to add some zest.  You can find the original here.  I only added a couple ingredients, but I think they made all the difference.  Here is my recipe - I hope you enjoy it!

RASPBERRY-LEMON ZEST BUTTERMILK MUFFINS

makes approx 15 standard sized muffins

2 cups flour

1/2 cup sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

zest from one small lemon

6 tablespoons butter, cut into chunks

1 egg, beaten

1 cup buttermilk

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

1 cup fresh raspberries

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and grease muffin tins.

2. Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and zest into large mixing bowl.

3. Cut in butter, using two forks or your fingers, until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.

4. Add egg, buttermilk, and vanilla and mix just until moistened.

5. Gently fold berries into the mixture.

6. Bake for 18-20 minutes until golden brown.  Cool slightly and enjoy warm with butter ( the best!) 

to keep seeking Him...

One of the desires of my heart lately has been centered around community.  I have been wanting to be a part of something bigger than myself but have yet to find where I fit in to that.  I really think that part of my longing to begin my own business is to become part of a community of creatives and boss ladies that I so admire and want to learn from.  I see pictures of amazing conferences being posted all the time on Instagram that I would love to attend.  I wish I could network with these wonderful ladies, and yet I don't even have a business yet.  I have been asking the Lord to reveal to me where He wants me to go from here, and I feel like He just remains silent.  Today I was really seeking some answers and I asked Him why He would keep this from me?  Isn't community something that is gospel-centered?  And if we were created to be in community with one another, why haven't you opened any doors, Lord?  And then He spoke.  It was so quiet and yet so unmistakable.  He said to me, "I have designed you to be in relationship.  And yes, that is to be in relationship with others, but first and foremost it is to be in relationship with me.  And while it is not wrong to want to be among like-minded women who want to create and grow and encourage others - it is good, in fact - it is NOT the end goal.  Focusing on finding your niche is the wrong thing to focus on.  FIRST, you need to focus on me.  Keep growing, keep learning, keep your eyes on ME."  Community is such a gift, and it is not wrong to desire it.  But HE is the prize.  He is the first thing I should seek in the morning, and the last thing I should dwell on before I lay my head.  It was the beginning of a much-needed perspective change.  I fully believe that He can and will reveal to me what He has created me to do, and I just as fully believe that He has created within me this desire for a reason.  I just know that right now I need to focus on Him alone and what He wants to teach me.  When the time is right, He will reveal a little more.  So thankful for a God that desires relationship with us, and encourages us to keep seeking Him.

a new season...

So we have entered into a new season here at the Wilson house.  I quit my job last week, for reasons I won't get into here, and I cannot begin to tell you what it feels like to have that weight lifted off of me.  It was such a hard time of waiting and pleading, but the Lord is so faithful.  I am thankful for this new adventure of being home with my girls (for as long as He allows).  I am hopeful for this time to be one of mental, physical, and spiritual refreshment.  I also hope to get back into blogging, but words are elusive lately, and I struggle to catch them and put them here.  Perhaps time will change that.  After all, the goal is progress not perfection, and sometimes the words themselves don't matter as much as the process of being vulnerable and letting them be read.

I am also trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I want to create, to make, to design, to do something, but I am just not sure what that may be.  I have been asking for direction, but He hasn't chosen to reveal it to me just yet.  In the meantime, I dream and hope and pray.  I had a love of cakes, but I no longer find much fulfillment in that.  I still do it from time to time, mostly as a way to give to others, but it is not the joy of my heart.  I just wish I knew what would cause my heart to sing and my days to feel full of purpose.  I am in a time of searching, and I hope it doesn't last too long.