to keep seeking Him...

One of the desires of my heart lately has been centered around community.  I have been wanting to be a part of something bigger than myself but have yet to find where I fit in to that.  I really think that part of my longing to begin my own business is to become part of a community of creatives and boss ladies that I so admire and want to learn from.  I see pictures of amazing conferences being posted all the time on Instagram that I would love to attend.  I wish I could network with these wonderful ladies, and yet I don't even have a business yet.  I have been asking the Lord to reveal to me where He wants me to go from here, and I feel like He just remains silent.  Today I was really seeking some answers and I asked Him why He would keep this from me?  Isn't community something that is gospel-centered?  And if we were created to be in community with one another, why haven't you opened any doors, Lord?  And then He spoke.  It was so quiet and yet so unmistakable.  He said to me, "I have designed you to be in relationship.  And yes, that is to be in relationship with others, but first and foremost it is to be in relationship with me.  And while it is not wrong to want to be among like-minded women who want to create and grow and encourage others - it is good, in fact - it is NOT the end goal.  Focusing on finding your niche is the wrong thing to focus on.  FIRST, you need to focus on me.  Keep growing, keep learning, keep your eyes on ME."  Community is such a gift, and it is not wrong to desire it.  But HE is the prize.  He is the first thing I should seek in the morning, and the last thing I should dwell on before I lay my head.  It was the beginning of a much-needed perspective change.  I fully believe that He can and will reveal to me what He has created me to do, and I just as fully believe that He has created within me this desire for a reason.  I just know that right now I need to focus on Him alone and what He wants to teach me.  When the time is right, He will reveal a little more.  So thankful for a God that desires relationship with us, and encourages us to keep seeking Him.

a new season...

So we have entered into a new season here at the Wilson house.  I quit my job last week, for reasons I won't get into here, and I cannot begin to tell you what it feels like to have that weight lifted off of me.  It was such a hard time of waiting and pleading, but the Lord is so faithful.  I am thankful for this new adventure of being home with my girls (for as long as He allows).  I am hopeful for this time to be one of mental, physical, and spiritual refreshment.  I also hope to get back into blogging, but words are elusive lately, and I struggle to catch them and put them here.  Perhaps time will change that.  After all, the goal is progress not perfection, and sometimes the words themselves don't matter as much as the process of being vulnerable and letting them be read.

I am also trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I want to create, to make, to design, to do something, but I am just not sure what that may be.  I have been asking for direction, but He hasn't chosen to reveal it to me just yet.  In the meantime, I dream and hope and pray.  I had a love of cakes, but I no longer find much fulfillment in that.  I still do it from time to time, mostly as a way to give to others, but it is not the joy of my heart.  I just wish I knew what would cause my heart to sing and my days to feel full of purpose.  I am in a time of searching, and I hope it doesn't last too long.